Lose yourself in the forest
Under the light of the winter sun.
Blow me a raspberry
This week ive been trying to ‘cleanse’ my body of bad foods. Ive havent gone all in because frankly im a terribly fussy eater but ive been attempting to incorporate new foods into my everyday. So ive found out i love pomme seeds and raspberries! Living on mostly fruits, rye crackers and magaritas this week and i feel pretty darn good! That might be the magarita talkin’ though….
“The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters”
The most beautiful truth — choosing what matters. We all had dreams when we were young, and even still nothing has or may ever become of them. I wanted to be a runner and i’m not talking for want of a gold medal or world renown fame in the olympics. No. I’m talking Forest Gump running. My little heart wanted to race as far as my even smaller legs could take me. It didn’t matter where or how: Its just what i wanted. To this day i’m a great runner but due to snapping ankles that dream can never truly “be.” You know what? Thats just fine. That doesn’t mean the dream is gone but Its life. Now I have created a life that has taken me to places i thought i’d never reach, never could dream of or ever dared to think i’d go to. I don’t aspire for a certain career or job. I try to spend every day doing something i enjoy. I work jobs that i dreamed of having as a child. Sometimes i pick up horse shit — its worth every minute as i get lots of cuddles, become more understanding and have horse snot all over me on a constant basis ( what a bonus!) Other days i write and write and write and write etc.. Sometimes i act, other times i’m a photographer. I’m very lucky and everyday i realise that a little more. I’m thankful for what i have and what i do.
This last year or so i’ve really starting pursuing things i want to do in life. A dream is to have a ranch of my own with a couple of horses, maybe sheep or goats and some form of feathery egg laying bird (no rooster because they don’t usually like me). If i’m feeling really crazy, i am, i’d love to have a big old honorary long horn. I’d love to have acres of land that i can ride out on, camp and live free. I’ve been working on farms as much as i can, getting to be around horses again and working on the ground work/care/riding . Meeting some lovely people with the same interest who i can learn from + who are willing to show me the ropes. I used to be around horses a lot when i was younger but then i got busy with school, theatre, writing and then travelling — so i had to build that part of my life again. Its hard because i have to start over, but i’m glad im clever enough to want to learn it again.
Ultimately I choose life; and living it to the absolute full. I may never be the rider i want to be but i’ll happily spend my days trying to get there, putting in the hours, the money when i have it; at the end i can smile and say i gave it my damnedest. Finding the small things to be happy about in life is easy when you life for yourself. When you try to focus one what truly brings light into your life–thats when you’re rich. I don’t live to work. I don’t live for social media. This blog is about as active as i get when it comes to computers. If you’ve seen my facebook/instagram you’ll see that its shocking how bad i am at keeping up with it. Truth be told i’d rather be outside. You know. Where we all should be.
I’ll keep drifting from place to place, from job to job and leaving a trace of highly entertained onlookers.
And that is the end of my semi margarita infused blog post.
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“The earth is mostly just a boneyard. But pretty in the sunlight.”
Everyone has different ways of coping with homesickness. Some people write about it, others embrace it.. but me? I carry a jar of dirt with me, yup — thats right. Texas dirt. Texas is the first place away from Denmark that i’ve ever felt at home or like i could stay there for the rest of my life; as a drifter thats saying a whole lot. I haven’t opened the jar since we left almost three years ago, the ground inside is from our little piece of land on the outskirts of town, the leaf was the first that fell and the empty bullet well thats another story. My little jar of Lone Star sits by my bedside and comforts me when the days get too long. I think back to that brick house where the coyotes used to gather like fruit flies, where i ended up showering with a lizard and an angry scorpion consistently hid in my boots.
When night fell over Gazebo street our backyard became a fair ground of playing stars dancing for the limelight. We’d stand and watch them roll, shoot and shine for hours whilst the mosquitoes bled us dry. It was worth every minute.
I remember one evening when summer was turning to autumn. We slept with the window open. Around 4.30am i heard a high pitched eerie howl as beautiful as ever it could be. Outside my window was a lone coyote, right outside. I didn’t dare look but i could smell her breathing and i sure as hell could hear her singing. The wind was almost cool and soothing — rare for South East Texas. In the distance a whole band of coy dogs began to yip and yawh, so my friend of the night disappeared into the brush. I will never forget that early morning, and though i was too freaked out to look through the dark for her, it is one of my fondest memories. I have a soft spot for coyotes and wolves, for farmers and ranchers they’re little devils, but to me they’re like me. Drifting from place to place and part of the pack.
My pack amounts to three, and thats how it should be.
So there on my bedside table is my comforting jar of dirt that wakes a memory or two.
” Yesterday’s gone on down the river and you can’t get it back.”
Welcome to the first of another year. I hope you all had a happy new years eve and continue to have a great year.
Do what you love. Laugh. Explore. Be happy. Do nothing once in a while and drink yourself drunk now n’ again. Switch off from social media when the time is right.
Most importantly stop comparing yourself and your life to others.
You’re you and thats just fine.
Happy 1st of January 2018 !
“If you wait, all that happens is that you get older.”⠀🌾🐞
I shot this while on a walk with my sister in the woods. When i was planning my trip to the fatherland there were a few things i wanted to experienced. One – Snow! Two – Christmas Hygge with my family and three – to visit the forest. Im happy to say now that i completed all three and more! As a child i always remembered the forest as being a beautiful magical place where dreams hide in the streams of sunlight and trolls chewing stones hiding out of sight. If it hadn’t been balls cold outside i would have seriously considered going to sleep on the bed of moss nature so kindly provided. The forest provided a peace i haven’t felt in a long time. All turmoil and stress disappeared — helping me realise what i want in life and that i’m doing good on my road to somewhere.
I’m not behind – i’ve always chosen a different road to everyone else because that makes life interesting, and whilst i’ll always feel a little old thats the price i have to pay for the wisdom. I’m kinda ok with that — thats a card i’ve been dealt in life since the beginning.
I moved to Texas (so far from everything i’ve ever known) as a 19 year old, and i’ve gone further since then. I’d be lying if i said i hadn’t been somewhat procrastinating with certain things like my photography and writing, but this year i’ve been slowly turning it around.
My camera goes everywhere with me, as does my moleskin note books and i have myself for company so theres always entertainment readily available.
In all seriousness though, moving around the USA with a man that totally makes waking up every day worth while has changed my life. All i know now is that i have to do what i’m good at and whilst not all of those things will make money — thats ok, they don’t have to.
It’ll make me happy and thats important.
That day being with my sister in the back end of nowhere Denmark, was my epiphany — my realisation that everything, though sometimes terribly hard, will be ok.
Goodbye to a year of utter grief, hardship, old bras and success.
And hello 2018.
I wish you all the best in 2018 — don’t make resolutions, make changes that make you happy.
You won’t always have a tomorrow.
Happy Christmas !
The duck is eaten, we’ve exhausted the TV with Christmas films/specials and
we’ve burned all our candles to their wicks end.
Now its almost time for bed and i have just enough time to wish you all a very Happy Christmas and wonderful new year.
Hold your families tight and be grateful.
Oh! And be good to your house elf, because it really is hard to be a nissemand.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Theres ice on the northern peninsula, and i got to see it as it froze. I’ve been in Danmark the last few weeks and i was lucky to see the first snow fall the evening i arrived. Travelling home is always full of laughs, family and hygge — not without its added travel stress from the many flights it takes to get there but usually its bearable but not this time. My trip back was horrid — my first flight was delayed by almost two hours which inevitably resulted in me missing my connection in Paris. So instead of flying from Denmark to Paris and then to Boston i had to fly to Paris, to Cincinnati-Ohio and then onwards to Boston with a good 7 hours worth of waiting around in various airports. It essentially took two days to get back to the USA instead of one. I’m still feeling the after effects. However, i was lucky i was flying at very late/early times on a Wednesday so the airports weren’t terribly busy.
On the up side, I took a walk in the forest last Saturday while the snow was starting to melt. It had been years since i wandered in the forests of the north but i’ve always remembered it as being special, and a little eerie. I kept thinking i’d see a troll hiding behind a big tree or chewing on a rock somewhere, but my mind has always existed in places that often attribute to loneliness in thinking. But theres something very different about Nordic forests. Something that you don’t see or feel anywhere else, and i’m so happy i got to experience it again after so many years of lulling the memory. The hanging branches, sunlight flaring through the trees and the ground bedded in moss — what bliss and just what i needed to end a difficult year.
So while i’m getting back on track and sleeping off my ever draining exhaustion i’ll leave you with a Happy Christmas.