a small Q&A during quarantine 2020

Hello everyone!
I hope you’re all doing well and social distancing yourselves as best you can. Its Friday again and i’m relieved to say the least. I can’t wait to have two days completely to myself to do whatsoever i want. This weekend i hope to work on some more novel editing and reading mostly. I’d like to work on camera things like some filming but right now my main priority is my book. I can’t keep putting it off.
A few days ago i asked you to send me questions on my instagram stories. Due to having changed my entire instagram feed to be what i wanted it to be i didn’t get too many responses back — but that works for me. Start small and work your way up, right? This is my first Q&A and i got a lot of the same questions so i picked the top five.

Where & how did you meet Jack?
This is the question i got asked a lot. I met Jack on facebook many years ago. We were both dressing up as pirates and connecting with the pirate community on the platform. I don’t recall whether he added me or i added him, but i do remember coming across his profile several times and thinking he looked like a total dick hole. Sorry handsome, but you know the story. Anyway. We were eventually friends on facebook and one day i posted a photograph of me with my dreads, piercings and summer freckles — to which Jack commented “You sure are pretty.” Back in my younger years i got compliments a lot on my facebook pictures, most of which went completely ignored, but for some reason i responded to Jack and said thank you. And we have been together ever since. We started talking to each other over facebook and then almost a year later he finally managed to persuade me to Skype video call with him. We did that a while. I’d fall asleep in front of the camera and end up snoring like a raped seal, but i stayed up till 5 in the morning my time to speak to him. Depending on the day we talked for almost 12 hours a day, everyday.  Then one day in November, he asked if i’d ever consider coming to Texas. I’d never been interested in America, or going there. I thought it was fall of crazy people, guns and it had been hyped up to something it wasn’t. And i wasn’t wrong, but i wouldn’t change it. So in January i visited Jack in Texas. Shitting myself when i finally reached Houston and realised i was not equipped or prepared because i’m a “live in the moment” type of kid. I was only supposed to stay for two weeks. I stayed my full three month allowance. That was it. Its one of the best and only things i have ever done for myself, truly & 100%.
If you’re interested you can actually watch my video about meeting Jack and coming to America on youtube. I use a lot more words and might make you giggle once or twice.  


What brought you to Wyoming?
To put it bluntly — we wanted to get the hell out of New England. We were hoping for Texas or Nevada, but the Wyoming job got there first. I think now its a little up for debate whether we wished we’d just stayed put a little longer. We like Wyoming — the place. But everything else is nuts and so now we’re waiting for Covid-19 to pass so that we can run back to the safety of Texas where our story started. As i said, we like Wyoming but our jobs have entirely ruined our viewpoint and pretty much infect our living here. There are particular things that don’t work, and when the work situation sucks and its your 8 to 5 — thats a big deal of your life being a fucking health hazard. I wouldn’t change coming to Wyoming — i love the area and the scapes, the horses, the sun and the stars, i’ve accomplished a lot but i’ve also been fucked over tenfold — and its not Texas. And if im not in England or Denmark. It has to be Texas now. I don’t care where in Texas, as long as it isn’t Beaumont. If i had my choice it’d be somewhere near Galveston or there abouts. Far enouhg away to escape a hurricane but close enough to live on my boat for the weekend should i choose to. So i can get back on the water but still have a horse in my yard. I think i’ve mentioned it previously, but what i will give to Wyoming is that it inspired me and got me excited to finish my book. And i did that. Now its time to get the fuck out and find home, where i can have animals again.

Are there moments your wild heart finds peace?
In short. No. I’ll have peace when i’m dead, whenever that may be; but it ain’t today and it ain’t tomorrow. Nevertheless there are things that set my heart racing in good ways. When i write and im just pouring out years of thoughts and pain into a story, its a therapy for me. I actually tested it. My resting heart rate on my fitbit is approximately 50, but when i’m on a writing roll it speeds up to 120 if that tells you anything about living for a feeling. My words spew out at the same speed my heart beats. Thats evidence right there that writing is in the system and part of my journey as much, if not more, than other skills i was born with. My old heart slows down when i’m sailing because that is my happy place, my good and easy haven. But my heart is never at peace, however it finds safety in my creativity some times and thats what i have to hold on to. Life with pretty severe depression is a hard hard battle that never ends, some days are bad and others are worse. But the proof is in the writer and on her thighs and arms. Im still here doing whatever the hell i want. Working to live and keeping the child alive as long as i can.  

What is your latest writing project?
Right now, as you know, im editing the novel. However i’ve started working on my second novel which is a nautical piece i’ve been toying around with since Halloween. I’ve been writing short train of thoughts for a collection of work i’d eventually like to start. I don’t want to only write novels or magazine articles. I’d like to write poetry again or word vomit prose. I used to write a lot comedy skits and plays too — im hoping i can get back to all of those things. Maybe even a short film script here and there.

How is life in the USA and in the countryside?
Life in America is a trail ride. Its so god damn hard sometimes that i lose sight of where im going and forget who i was, and where i came from. It’s rough. Its scary and its sometimes lonely when homesickness kicks in — and it does. A lot. Having said that. I’m very lucky. I wont say that America is the perfect land of opportunity, because many-a time i’ve known it to stop me, but i have genuinely done everything i’ve ever wanted to try since i was a child. And that is a gift not given to many. In fact i don’t know anyone that lives the way i do, always hoping to for-fill another childish dream before i die. I said yes to going to Texas, i listened to my heart when it cried Jack and i have tried to pursue everything with vigour. I’ve ridden in the back end of Texas on a good horse, in Wyoming and New Hampshire to boot. I’ve sailed in England, Denmark, Texas and New Hampshire as much as i could. I’ve been on stage all places and had a camera with me every step of the journey.  I’ve even had chances to work on and off filming projects. And now here i am with a finish book to try and publish. Life is tough but life is a dream. I might not be gods photographer but every part of my life i have in pictures, something inside by my great grandmothers little scrap books she doodled all over as her mind began to disappear with our names. One day when i’m long long gone — there wont be a doubt in anyones mind where i’ve been and the adventurous wild life i had, and all the while being absolutely fucking clinically crazy. So dont let that stop you.

Thank you to those of you who sent questions for this little post and i hope i answered well enough to hold your interest a while. With any luck you enjoyed my answers and this post — you genuinely made it possible. Let me know if you want more Q&A posts. I’m considering doing one every now and again perhaps monthly. Let me know what you think or if you have any questions for the next one!
Have a wonderful weekend and be good.

My mini creative studio by the fire place. Theres actually a little chirpin’ birds nest in our chimney and when the television is out you can hear the little babies peepin’ and weepin’ for food. Its quite comforting.

3 thoughts on “a small Q&A during quarantine 2020

  1. Hej Bella,

    I had no questions, but received many valid answers. I think John Wayne (not the Danish one!) was a bloody smartass. If he hadn’t been so damn right. It is probably better to live at least one dream than to dream 1,000 dreams. 🙂

    Kram!❤,
    Hans

    1. I looooveeee John Wayne. And i completely agree with the dreams. I try to work towards any and every dream within reason.
      Do you have any dreams you’re working towards?
      Hope you’re staying well and safe in this time. ❤

      1. Good morning Bella,

        Yes. I have a dream. To find out what I love. Whom i love. If I can love at all. But I’m not working towards that yet. I would like to believe the people who always say that you are never too old. And for those who always say that i would be too old for this or that, well, I would like to kick their ass. But I hang somewhere in between and feel like I’m on a horse without a saddle; and some prankster has allowed himself to hit the butt of the horse. Do you know what you see in such a situation when you’ve never ridden before? You see nothing but scurrying landscapes. And that even twisted. But you can feel the wind coming from the front. You can feel the warm skin of the horse on your face. And the further you look away from yourself, the slower everything flows by. Everything becomes all the more recognizable. At the moment this feeling completely fills me up. I enjoy holding on to the horse’s neck and feeling and hearing its strength. But actually I want to see where I’m riding to. I want to feel the wind on my face and not only on my head. But also the warmth of the sunset that I want to ride towards. Damn it, if anyone could tell me how to steer a horse without a saddle, maybe I could start working towards my dream. Until then I trust the horse that it knows where it is going to and doesn’t throw me off. John Wayne wasn´t such stupid like me.

        Thank you for spending me your time. By the way, what’s your novel called? Sorry if you already said it somewhere and I didn’t notice.

        Kram!❤,
        Hans

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