well, its spring — so its about time for my big danish christmas holiday blog post

I’ve been meaning to write about this and post my pictures for … well months now. I don’t even dare look at my abandoned line of drafted blog posts. I have some from as long ago as Huntsville Texas, if you can believe it. Anyway, i’ll write about the blog post now and try to remember the holiday as best i can.

When i go home its always hard, not as easy and full of sheer joy as i’m sure most of you would suppose. The more often i go home to more i feel like i shouldn’t leave or i shouldn’t come back again. Thats a terrible thing to say, i know and am well fucking aware — but it’s the truth. Coming home is the most difficult thing to do on the planet, when home is a place you’ve hardly seen all your mortal days. Being with family for a fleeting moment only to disappear again for years at a time. It feels like that pain is pointless and more trouble than its worth. Sounds like i’m not happy to see them doesn’t it? Well, of course i am happy to see them — but they don’t know me anymore just as i barely recognise them.

We went to Denmark for around 3 weeks, and i’m still paying for that privilege. My workplace is actually still charging me for the right to have taken a christmas vacation. They  ailed to make me aware when i brought it up in my interview, and a hundred times there after, to tell me that vacation on either side of the schools Christmas vacation means you pay for the whole damn thing. It’s May and I’m still losing $350 a month for taking this holiday. Thanks.

However, on to more happy posting from here. I noticed when i was blogging from my phone in denmark my blog views and so forth actually sky rocketed. I was so surprised and really unsure why that was the case, because i was posting pretty poor phone pictures (not from my Nikon or Canon or vintage cameras), and i was merely posting in between trips and visits while i was sitting my parents leather sofa watching crime programs; but it did some wonders for my blog traffic — so i’ve set it up so i can permanently blog from my phone and when my 8 to 5 isn’t the huge nuisance that it is, i plan to do more off hand little short travelling posts.

Mor showing us around the property our first morning.
God morgen. <3


Now this might sound terrible, but what i most looked forward to was seeing my cats again, they have always been so dear to me and they got me through a lot of bad times by sitting on my face or doing goofy stuff. So seeing Daisy and Charlie again made me so so happy — especially after losing Basil. I had some treasures back in my life, even if it was for a fleeting moment.

Daisy being mad at me for being gone so long and pretending she doesn’t want my attention, when she obviously wants my attention.
No place does foggy, gloom like mornings quite like Denmark.

My parents house is a fortress, and i love it. I wish i could spend more relaxed time there but considering my circumstances its not really feasible. The first few days we chilled with my mum to get over the jet lag, and it was fucking A, my brothers were in Denmark too which was a bonus. A few days later my Pap-Kent came home from a work trip and that was when we were all finally together again, all of us, since England some time ago. It was special, annoying and lovely. Hell knows when we’ll all be together again but it probably wont be for a while. Im thinking our next holiday will be to Disneyland or the Caribbean, but never say never!

My favourite boots in one of my favourite places.

Yes, i packed these heavy ass boots because i can’t go ANYWHERE without a pair of cowboy kickers. And i love this picture, because it really shows the contrast. These boots walk the desert and plains daily, yet for Christmas they waded through tall rich blades of grass on a little island in Denmark. Literally my life. A big cock up different cultures. These boots look a lot more worse for wear these days — all covered in dust and holding on spurs.

Den gamle øl bænk.
I woke up so early almost every morning of the holiday, and i’d grab my camera to watch the world wake up. Often Charlie would coming running to me when he heard me and together we’d go back in the house when everyone starting waking up.
The cute little town of Bogense a little ways from my parents place.

Jack the Texan in a little old Danish town, dressed as an Irishman.

Danish towns are really really special. Comforting. And i love walking through them and looking through the windows.


The day after Kent came home we went out to see the highland cattle and visit the farms store. The proprietor, a very lovely lady, let me in to the pastures to pet the cows and now i want one. Or fifty.

Messy baby just had breakfast. Beard got in the way.


We also got to meet her very talkative chickens that believed we were only there to meet them. They clucked and rapped and peep peep peeped with all the chicken gossip. Above you can see Pap-Kent with a bunch of chicks.


That same day we also visited the bison “ranch” and got see these beauties. Bison are some of my favourite animals. Almost right up there with the Texas Longhorn and the American mustang.





Obligatory picture of Norse Fjord horses in a nordic country.


After our little livestock trip we went out to get a christmas tree from a roadside elf attraction. Something i always loved as a child, and still do, is that Denmark has little places like this set up and it looks like a real little elfs house. Even in Kolding you’ll find Santas house and in the Christmas month you can go in and visit him. Its so festive and i’ve never see it any place else — and i’ve been a lot of places. Sweden and Norway probably do similar things.

Elf woman who sold us our tree.
More chickens that had something very special to tell me.


I want all the things. ALL.


Our christmas tree, and i think it ended up being the most beautiful we’ve ever had because almost all the kids decorated it together. After Christmas my mum set up the tree in her garden. She’s just like me. Doesn’t to see them die after being used for a month — so she decorated it for easter and its still happily planted in her back garden. But thats why we use plastic trees at home — because i refuse to pay money to cut them down only to use them for a month, and then throw them away because they’re a fire hazard and “ugly.”

Suzy, my sisters dog. On our way outside to shit in the most ridiculous places because dog.
That there is my brother Franck.

Daim and anything kinder is food of the gods.


On the 23rd we had Christmas with Farmor in Kolding. It was wonderful and just what i wanted. Quiet, relaxed and safe. The only place that never changes and im so grateful for that. Believe me. Christmas at Farmors house is always the best. Films, Danish christmas food and copious amounts of chocolates, sweets and such forth that i miss when im away.


The best part of Christmas is the roast duck and the desert.


Jack found the almond and wont the prize, 100kr — which Farmor had her eye on to take back if no- one found the almond.


Franck did not win. Franck was not happy.


Franck and i with Far Dall. <3


And our Swedish Aunty Connie. I was SO glad Jack got to meet her because she’s such a character, and we all laughed like witches.  <3


This is Monty, and he will ONLY play with me. No one else. SO when i arrive we have to concentrate on making sure he is happily entertained with feathered things and fluffy mice. Because he doesn’t play for years at a time because im away. He is an enormous Norwegian Forest cat.


The best Christmas. Only Basil and Farfar were missing.

This is where Jack, Franck and i stayed in Kolding before returning back to Fyn. Nice little apartment type hostel thing hotel whatever.


Another beautiful morning.


And another morning that i had to get up and photograph.


I saw it shining through the window, the entire room was almost hot pink thats how bright it was and it was still 4.30am.


Charlie getting highs from the Christmas tree.


Decorating time! Mum let me pick a few things to take home with me for my own Christmas tree. So i can have a bit of home when i’m in America. Christmas and Birthdays can be hard for me, from time to time, because i’m used to a big loud annoying family. Luckily i have Jack who makes plans and keeps me going. We always have sweet little Christmasses (?) by ourselves. Cooking enough food just for two, Basil would get a special Christmas dinner and wear a wooly sweater, thats all we ever needed. The three musketeers.


We all decorated the Christmas tree together — aside from Steph. She was working. Boooo.


Kasper and Franck.


Cat + Box = Daisy in Box.


Buck toothed Gritty and her brother of many colours.





Charlie sneaking into the presents because no one in our family can stay away from presents.















The red house is  Santas house — the one i previously mentioned.




















Denmark for me is a tough subject. And the holiday was nothing too extraordinary, and we didn’t want it to be. We saw the places, spent time with my family and i knitted a lot of socks for my mum. Like a lot. But other than that there was really nothing to report. And thats why theres more pictures than writing. Going home after having been… home…. why it sucks. Believe it. It confuses me and hurts me. Every time i leave Denmark its feels like i’m leaving my inner innocent child behind, and i get so little time with her enough as it is. Coming back to America is coming back to real life.
After coming home this time i was CERTAIN i wanted to move back. Having been back in America for a few months — i’m sure to hell that i don’t. And thats the constant battle haha. Anyway, i hope you enjoyed the pictures. I realise the writing is sparse but sometimes pictures are enough.
Stay safe and healthy out there.

bella’s binge-worthy tv series to get you through quarantine

I’ve been busy lately. Emotionally i’ve incredibly unavailable and trying to keep my head above the water line. Last week was hell for a number of reasons, of which i wont go into. I’ve been working a lot on some of my bigger blog posts that i’ve been meaning to publish for a few months but  as they require adjoining videos it becomes a little more time consuming. With a full time job i don’t have as much available free time to complete them  as i’d like — all the while editing my book too. So i’m in the middle of a juggle act really. I am getting there though.

So while i keep working on these big blog posts and youtube videos i have compiled a list for those of your struggling through quarantine.
These are my favourite shows that i’m binge watching right now.

Deadwood, as always.

– A western series with lots of “What the fuck?” “Cocksucker!” And sly little fart comments. Not a secret that this is one of my top favourite television series — one i wish i’d been in! Deadwood is incredible. Its like Shakespeare but with fuck & cunt being thrown around like boiled sweets. Its beautifully filmed, a slow burning western and just all around a phenomenal show. Joanie Stubbs is a perfect representation of who i am when i’m depressed, and Calamity Jane Canary is me the rest of the time. Dead drunk on a mouthful of words and farting during the breaks. Give it a go. I believe it’s on HBO. They also just came out with a movie after a decade of all of us waiting and i wept like a child.

The Terror

– A nautical horror series. This is fantastic and one of the best things about my halloween month. I love watching this. Its got boats, spook and phenomenal cinematics. AND HISTORY. I particularly enjoy this as its very historically accurate but also embodies the sailors & Inuit superstitions. Something i’m very interested in and grew up reading about. Fave subject as it goes. Great show. Truly. For those horror fans out there — this is it. More a psychological thriller but it does the trick pretty good.

Hap & Leonard

– What can i say about Hap & Leonard? The books are incredible and remind me of my life in Huntsville, TX. Jack always managed to get us into some really fucked up shit that was always worth writing about. And this is what this show is like. Joe Lansdale, the author, is a god among us, and one i’d happily pray for. This show amaaaaazing. The characters are so well written and the shit they get into is nuts. And again, it proves that living in Texas is just one hell of a wild and dangerous ride worth living with your best friend. Watch it. It was unfortunarely cut short because it was amazing and we’re not allowed nice things. Thanks poor logic uppity ups. Still — the three seasons we did get are gold.

Shetland

– A quiet, nordic feel crime show set on the Shetland. I love it. Great cinematography, characterisation and plot lines. I really enjoy having this on – its comforting to me. I never lived in Scotland but it was where i’d probably have run to if i hadn’t got on a plane to tropical Texas. It has a great nordic influence just as the island itself does. Making it a great relatable mix.

Doc Martin

– I am Doc Martin. Not as intelligent when it comes to doctoring but he is literally me. Watch this and then you know exactly how i am in real life. I enjoy watching this because i grew up in a little English town just like Portwenn, with the same kind of folks and the sea just outside my window and a school almost identical. With exactly the same uniforms. Sometimes i actually can’t watch this because it makes me homesick and gives me a nostalgic feeling i despise. I hate looking back even at good memories, but this show is wonderful. Think this is one Acorn TV. I only recently found out i hadn’t watched this finished.. i thought it stopped at season 6 or 7 … but theres more!

Are you being served?

– Jack introduced me to this show, i think i’d seen a clip or two when i was really young but i didn’t fall in love with it until i met Jack. Now i force him to watch it. Always. We just finished watching it as our night show before bed. It’s a live theatre performance with a real audience. The characters are epic and its incredibly funny. Just. Go watch it for yourself. Its on Britbox. Its almost on par with Mr.Bean but not as genius.

Death in Paradise

– Also on Britbox, its just an easy & cute show about caribbean murders; but with an English police chief. Its your typical soft core Poirot or Agatha Christy type stuff. A little predictable but nice to have on and doesn’t require much brainpower.

Miami Vice

– Good old 80’s tv show. It’s got the great music, the 80’s hotties and a bunch of crime. I love it. It’s like playing Grand Theft Auto – Vice City on the pc all over again. I’d also like to be in a sandwich with Sonny & Tubs, but we all do. It was one of those shows you don’t want to end with characters you feel like you’ve lived with so long you can’t fathom saying goodbye. Awesome visuals and makes ya wanna move to Miami — if you ignore the crime. Of course.

Cold Case Files

– This is just a really well done crime show narrated by Danny Glover, on Netflix. Its really well filmed and thats part of why i like to watch it. I also like it because this is what we all lived on in Denmark during my Christmas holiday. My brother, Jack, mum and i all sat watching this for days without leaving the house. It was so cozy. Nothing like family bonding over a good cold case about rape, murder and missing children. Doesn’t paint us in a good light, but seriously — very well done crime series.

Writing this list has really shown me how much i enjoy crime shows and westerns…. i like Hell on Wheels too but it doesn’t compare at all with Deadwood for me. I can watch Deadwood over and over but Hell of Wheels didn’t grip me in the same way which is why it didn’t make the list. What tv shows are you binging right now? Got any suggestions for me?

a small Q&A during quarantine 2020

Hello everyone!
I hope you’re all doing well and social distancing yourselves as best you can. Its Friday again and i’m relieved to say the least. I can’t wait to have two days completely to myself to do whatsoever i want. This weekend i hope to work on some more novel editing and reading mostly. I’d like to work on camera things like some filming but right now my main priority is my book. I can’t keep putting it off.
A few days ago i asked you to send me questions on my instagram stories. Due to having changed my entire instagram feed to be what i wanted it to be i didn’t get too many responses back — but that works for me. Start small and work your way up, right? This is my first Q&A and i got a lot of the same questions so i picked the top five.

Where & how did you meet Jack?
This is the question i got asked a lot. I met Jack on facebook many years ago. We were both dressing up as pirates and connecting with the pirate community on the platform. I don’t recall whether he added me or i added him, but i do remember coming across his profile several times and thinking he looked like a total dick hole. Sorry handsome, but you know the story. Anyway. We were eventually friends on facebook and one day i posted a photograph of me with my dreads, piercings and summer freckles — to which Jack commented “You sure are pretty.” Back in my younger years i got compliments a lot on my facebook pictures, most of which went completely ignored, but for some reason i responded to Jack and said thank you. And we have been together ever since. We started talking to each other over facebook and then almost a year later he finally managed to persuade me to Skype video call with him. We did that a while. I’d fall asleep in front of the camera and end up snoring like a raped seal, but i stayed up till 5 in the morning my time to speak to him. Depending on the day we talked for almost 12 hours a day, everyday.  Then one day in November, he asked if i’d ever consider coming to Texas. I’d never been interested in America, or going there. I thought it was fall of crazy people, guns and it had been hyped up to something it wasn’t. And i wasn’t wrong, but i wouldn’t change it. So in January i visited Jack in Texas. Shitting myself when i finally reached Houston and realised i was not equipped or prepared because i’m a “live in the moment” type of kid. I was only supposed to stay for two weeks. I stayed my full three month allowance. That was it. Its one of the best and only things i have ever done for myself, truly & 100%.
If you’re interested you can actually watch my video about meeting Jack and coming to America on youtube. I use a lot more words and might make you giggle once or twice.  


What brought you to Wyoming?
To put it bluntly — we wanted to get the hell out of New England. We were hoping for Texas or Nevada, but the Wyoming job got there first. I think now its a little up for debate whether we wished we’d just stayed put a little longer. We like Wyoming — the place. But everything else is nuts and so now we’re waiting for Covid-19 to pass so that we can run back to the safety of Texas where our story started. As i said, we like Wyoming but our jobs have entirely ruined our viewpoint and pretty much infect our living here. There are particular things that don’t work, and when the work situation sucks and its your 8 to 5 — thats a big deal of your life being a fucking health hazard. I wouldn’t change coming to Wyoming — i love the area and the scapes, the horses, the sun and the stars, i’ve accomplished a lot but i’ve also been fucked over tenfold — and its not Texas. And if im not in England or Denmark. It has to be Texas now. I don’t care where in Texas, as long as it isn’t Beaumont. If i had my choice it’d be somewhere near Galveston or there abouts. Far enouhg away to escape a hurricane but close enough to live on my boat for the weekend should i choose to. So i can get back on the water but still have a horse in my yard. I think i’ve mentioned it previously, but what i will give to Wyoming is that it inspired me and got me excited to finish my book. And i did that. Now its time to get the fuck out and find home, where i can have animals again.

Are there moments your wild heart finds peace?
In short. No. I’ll have peace when i’m dead, whenever that may be; but it ain’t today and it ain’t tomorrow. Nevertheless there are things that set my heart racing in good ways. When i write and im just pouring out years of thoughts and pain into a story, its a therapy for me. I actually tested it. My resting heart rate on my fitbit is approximately 50, but when i’m on a writing roll it speeds up to 120 if that tells you anything about living for a feeling. My words spew out at the same speed my heart beats. Thats evidence right there that writing is in the system and part of my journey as much, if not more, than other skills i was born with. My old heart slows down when i’m sailing because that is my happy place, my good and easy haven. But my heart is never at peace, however it finds safety in my creativity some times and thats what i have to hold on to. Life with pretty severe depression is a hard hard battle that never ends, some days are bad and others are worse. But the proof is in the writer and on her thighs and arms. Im still here doing whatever the hell i want. Working to live and keeping the child alive as long as i can.  

What is your latest writing project?
Right now, as you know, im editing the novel. However i’ve started working on my second novel which is a nautical piece i’ve been toying around with since Halloween. I’ve been writing short train of thoughts for a collection of work i’d eventually like to start. I don’t want to only write novels or magazine articles. I’d like to write poetry again or word vomit prose. I used to write a lot comedy skits and plays too — im hoping i can get back to all of those things. Maybe even a short film script here and there.

How is life in the USA and in the countryside?
Life in America is a trail ride. Its so god damn hard sometimes that i lose sight of where im going and forget who i was, and where i came from. It’s rough. Its scary and its sometimes lonely when homesickness kicks in — and it does. A lot. Having said that. I’m very lucky. I wont say that America is the perfect land of opportunity, because many-a time i’ve known it to stop me, but i have genuinely done everything i’ve ever wanted to try since i was a child. And that is a gift not given to many. In fact i don’t know anyone that lives the way i do, always hoping to for-fill another childish dream before i die. I said yes to going to Texas, i listened to my heart when it cried Jack and i have tried to pursue everything with vigour. I’ve ridden in the back end of Texas on a good horse, in Wyoming and New Hampshire to boot. I’ve sailed in England, Denmark, Texas and New Hampshire as much as i could. I’ve been on stage all places and had a camera with me every step of the journey.  I’ve even had chances to work on and off filming projects. And now here i am with a finish book to try and publish. Life is tough but life is a dream. I might not be gods photographer but every part of my life i have in pictures, something inside by my great grandmothers little scrap books she doodled all over as her mind began to disappear with our names. One day when i’m long long gone — there wont be a doubt in anyones mind where i’ve been and the adventurous wild life i had, and all the while being absolutely fucking clinically crazy. So dont let that stop you.

Thank you to those of you who sent questions for this little post and i hope i answered well enough to hold your interest a while. With any luck you enjoyed my answers and this post — you genuinely made it possible. Let me know if you want more Q&A posts. I’m considering doing one every now and again perhaps monthly. Let me know what you think or if you have any questions for the next one!
Have a wonderful weekend and be good.

My mini creative studio by the fire place. Theres actually a little chirpin’ birds nest in our chimney and when the television is out you can hear the little babies peepin’ and weepin’ for food. Its quite comforting.