I’m looking forward to going to the barn today, and having some safe and magical quiet moments like this. With everything thats going on — i need them. I hope you’re doing well and stay healthy.
Damn. Billy is one frustrating son of bitch, his own worst enemy and still held in the kindest and highest regards by those close to him. After everything.
The book was wonderfully written, like all McMurtrys western yarns — but dern.
It’ll either make you or break you.
Enjoy it. You’ll never read it for the first time again.
Tomorrow is the first day i’ll be celebrating Christmas. Mormor and morfar are driving over from Kolding; and my brothers will arrive this evening from England. One or two others will be joining us too. We’ll be 13 in total.
It’ll be nice to be all together again for a little while, its beens years. Though im not sure im too happy about sharing the attention from my cats. Haha.
I dont particularly enjoy gatherings or parties, it stresses me because of all the noise and people but thats how i’ve always been. Everyone else in my family enjoy those types of things, but im sure you can imagine im a bit of a black sheep and dislike most things regular people like.
This morning i woke up at around 5.00am and went into the dark morning. I’d noticed the moon and the stars through the window, unable to risk the chance at a picture i got up. I’d tried to talk myself out of it because the bed was nice and warm, but im trying to get up and get out when my mind thinks its worth it. And the view itself made me feel home again. Grounding me there i the black abyss while the cold set in.
And i sat out there for an hour. Taking pictures and listening to the roosters sizing their balls in the distance. At first i thought i heard wolves on the prowl but that was brief and very far away.
The sky was stunning and clear, i think i got a shot or two within that hour but without a tripod it was one hell of a task. It was odd lighting too with mist rolling in from the West, i couldnt quite get my settings right. That often aggrevates me but atleast i went out and tried.
The first day of work has long since passed.
And no – it wasn’t as bad as I thought thankfully. Bad experiences, however, can’t help but cause one alarm once in a while and everyone is always bricking it on the first day.
Yesterday we had our first snow and the first flash of bitter cold that won’t compare to the true cold winter has to offer us for however long we stay in Wyoming. I think I could stay but I’d always be wondering what the sea was doing without me and if I was missing out, someplace else. I can tell that Jack is ready to be home in Texas where the sun is always hot and everything is familiar, I don’t blame him. He’s a hot blooded creature and likes hot blooded places – though I find him quite at home in Denmark too. The man flourishes on burning plains not frozen ones. Having said that he’s a good egg and there’s nothing he can’t tackle . We both enjoy it here immensely, truly, but there comes a time when the body starts yearning to be where your grave will be planted.
Without a doubt I can definitely relate to that dreadful pining for home though. That has hit me pretty hard lately, it has its moments and its ups and downs. It comes often and then hardly at all. Such is life sadly. And it goes on — the harshest words in history. Life goes on. Oh what a terrible thing though you’re glad it does in some way.
The best way to describe how I am feeling – I am tired of being foreign. It’s a fucking hard job to keep up. It’s work. Even going home to Denmark I’m foreign and that is a great pain to me. A heavy weight on my shoulders that already have mountains piled high.
This week I started drivers ed, which is as dull and time consuming as it sounds but it only feels as such due to the copious amounts of free time I now don’t have. I had to cancel all my hours at the antique shop which I really enjoyed, for the whole month because there’s not enough time in the day. Feeling much like a confined animal whose being poked at from all different angles, that’s me lately and I’m ever so tired. This is the realistic life of a traveler. It’s not all hot suns, sandaled feet and perfect pictures for posting. Its bloody noses, falling on ice and the most magical experiences that you don’t always have to share with someone else.
Starting over. New jobs. New places and faces and situations that might not be what you expected. October is already a very stressful month for me. I can’t relax because I want the driving over with because its 45 minutes to the class room, it interferes with my job and my evenings but that’s adulting. 14 hour days and very few hours of sleep. Quite so. And when it’s over I’ll find another blasted thing to bother me because such is the life of me. The class itself is fine – all three hours of it. I can drive alright but it’s the other cars I have an issue with, so.. take that for what it is.
I believe in making the most of everyday though. At work there can be a lot of time where there’s nothing to do, and instead of sitting there reading the comedy of errors that is the news or wasting away of on Facebook – I find free books to read and i always do writing exercises. Every day. For those of you who don’t know… reading is 50% writing and I do it to keep up my creativeness as much as possible and keep my soul from running the fuck away. I stumbled across some wonderful sailing novels that I thoroughly enjoyed and there also happened to be two novels by Jens Peter Jacobsen, a Danish man with a talent for modernism and brimful descriptions. It was well translated, that has to be said, but Danish books (and any foreign book in general) should always be read in their mother tongue. So much is lost in translation and words are changed entirely if there IS no translation.
Having said that, if you’re reading you’re already winning.
Christmas is coming and we’ll be spending it in Denmark with all the family. I haven’t been able to spend Christmas at home for many many years now and Denmark is the best place on earth at Christmas time. Believe me.
This Christmas, though a few are missing from the table this year and from beneath it, will be special and annoying and full of laughter and a ridiculous amount of food for a single belly to muster. Really I have had a lot of great things taken care of within only 6 weeks and everything is well, however because I’m on the loopy side of depressive all I can focus on is getting the damn driving over with, so I can have my creative hours back in my every day. I’m sure some of you can relate. If you’re creative and you’re kept from your output – you’re a god damn disaster. A bomb walking around meanly ticking at good people.
Enjoy your Friday night and find the good in your day, 24 hours at a time.