I missed a’couple days on the blog. We spent a lot of time with my brother and everyday ended with all of us on the sofa watching crime programs, insisting we could’ve solved the murders in half the time and judging the suspects. Eating christmas sweets and delicious meals.
When the end of my time in Denmark rolls around i start to slow down, unsure i want to go home and whether the long travels back and forth are worth the heartache when i have to say goodbye. Its the time i feel the most uncertainty about living in America. But i fear that Denmark in the long wrong would plain bore me to death, but on the other hand — seeing family whenever i felt like it .. that’d be something i’ve never had before. Being in a place where nothing happens and nothing is trying to kill me… And eating the only food that i love. Excluding Whataburger and Mexican food… because both are life.
In the last few days we visited my sisters house and took a walk in the woods together. After plodding around the back woods we went back to her place and watched a horror film before going home to New Years Eve dinner at my parents house. I don’t really enjoy going much around the holiday season. I’d rather chill, have good food and then end the night with a movie. Im a slow going soul.
I missed half the film we were watching because outside the window was a heavy pink beam slipping through the window panes. I looked at Jack and he smiled.
“I know. Go on.” He said as i grabbed my bag and ran into the late afternoon.
It was such a beautiful sundown, she slid behind the trees and kissed the little lake at the bottom of my sisters garden through gnarled branches. So ofcourse, i missed the climax of the film as well as the end. I took pictures and filmed with whatever battery life i had left — which wasn’t much. When i was done i just sat for a while. Just Denmark and Me. Nothing had to be said or cried about. No worries at all in my pocket. I just wanted to be alone with the sun rolling away.
New years day was a really lovely day. Relaxed and quiet. My brother bought a huge box of fireworks and for the first time i fired some as well. Fireworks kinda freak me out with the loud noises and disturbing the peace, but i really enjoyed having my brother encourage me and stand with me as i lit the fuse. Little moments slowly restore a lost faith in humanity. Jack ran around in boots and a cowboy hat Yeehawing as he lit rocket after rocket, he wore clothes too… just FYI.
I wont lie and say that i’m happy to be home. I’m not. I’m happy to be around my own things, and excited to get classes started and over with. Obviously im desperately dreading going back to work everyday, as everyone does, but partly for me its because i know if i worked a little harder and focused a little more; i could be making some money selling books on whores and poetry.
However, ultimately, i miss Denmark like hell. I always do but this time was the hardest it’s ever been to get up and leave, to say goodbye. I watched our journey in flight and as the plane icon ebbed away from Billund i felt like my heart was going to hollow in my foot forever. Waving goodbye to my parents at the airport was awful. I smiled and waved but behind the scenes, when we were all out of sight, was Jack picking me up and wiping a flood of tears away. Because leaving my mother — is the worst.
Today we’ve been catching up on post and getting shopping because all we had in the fridge was a lonely beer. On the way to walmart the familiar country tunes sang at their lungs with new meaning. So this song, that to me today now has a face, i dedicate to my Mor.