This is Annie, a sweet 9 year old quarter horse mare whose looking for her forever home.
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It’s Thursday. A regular Thursday, or perhaps not so regular. As you’ve probably noticed I’ve really been driven to start filming as I go through days and experiences and life troubles. I always felt that the filming was pointless, because it’ll never look as good or as magic as other people’s videos. And then a few days ago I caught myself in the mirror.
My conversation went something like this:
“Bitch what you doing?”
“Nah, I mean with your damn life. You got two cameras in a bag, and you want to use ‘em, yet you don’t because you know someone will always be better? You know what a writer and clever as you are – you are a damn fool.”
“Could we talk about this perhaps at a time where I ain’t in dire need of wiping my ass?”
“It’s the only time you look at yourself in the mirror kid, Look at yourself and do what you want. Quit beating around and making excuses.”
“And open the damn window. Smells like somebody died.”
To begin with the filming was to show family at home that I am here, and that I’m not as far away as it feels. Now it’s becoming a creative out let. When I can’t write. I’ll film. When I can’t Act. I’ll film. And I’ll feel Jack smiling at me whilst I sit and edit on the floor in front of our little space heater. Just like he smiles when I sit playing my bass or slide guitar. Already I feel this filming is taking me to new places and proficiencies. My biggest regret is that I didn’t start it in Texas, when every day was Basil and I talking about everything, talk a foreign walk in dead heat – when things were truly tough but the days were free and beautiful. One thing though, Jack and I are as in love as we’ll ever be, even if we’re missing a piece. A piece that’ll be missing till we one day die too. That’s fine.
As you know I started at this new horse rescue last week, and it all happened like it was meant to be. Everything has been awesome. I’ve been free to film and take pictures. Then today I get a long text message asking me if I would film for them and vlog and help and become a part of something purposeful, something that really means something to me and obviously to me. I about fly down the stairs at work screaming with sheer excitement. That’s something I’d never dared to dream of. How amazing. I truly am so happy right now, today. Tomorrow I might struggle a little again, but that’s how living is. It’s hard, brutal and little drops of hope keep us from dehydration.
Unfortunately due to getting messed up by my job and then other monetary stupidities popping up I’ve had to bail on the farrier class, the one thing I was so desperately looking forward to. One of the main reasons for I came to Wyoming. I haven’t had the heart to email them yet to let them know I’m too damn fucked and too damn poor right now to take the class. Mostly because I don’t want to face it. We often ignore things we can’t bring ourselves to admit. We’re all guilty kids running around lying. I’m very guilty of it and I do it a lot. However, this horse rescue might have my back here. One of the girls, Sarah, has offered to show me what she knows and mentioned knowing someone who is a bare foot trimmer that might need an assistant. You know those people you meet and you just click and things seem good and right? Well I’ve only had that twice or thrice in my life. Jack. Patrick. And my first best friend Jamie Riley — wherever he may be now.
Anyway I’m so over whelmed and humbled. This weekend I’ll actually be taking a trip with the folks at the rescue to Denver, which will be a totally new experience for me. I’ve never been to a horse expo before, but I can’t think of anyone better to go with. Like some hermit crab I actually asked “if I go – I’ll be able to stay with you guys right?”
That’s how un-used to people I am these days. How unfamiliar I’ve become with how things work. It’s a little pathetic, but I mention it because this is what it’s like moving to new countries. You don’t know what will ridicule you or embarrass you. Jack is the safety blanket I’m very reluctant to let go of incase I get lost. He’s also the one telling me, “You need to go.”
So damn it. This weekend I’m going to Denver… with what people call friends. I cannot wait. I filmed my first day at the barn which was last Saturday. You can find the video below.
Last night I went to start working on an adoption video for sweet Annie, I think we’ll have to do a little more work on the filming because it was crowded and the barn started to look like a giant fart cloud. Sarah also helped me lunge Annie some, which was amazing. I hadn’t done that in 15 years almost and there I was doing it. But my dumb ass was too self-conscious to film it even though my camera was right there.
But next time I will, and you’ll see how happy this country living does me. I might be a western imposter, god love it.
It happened in the blink of an eye, immediately after i complained on my instagram about having no place to do horse-y things …I found a place.
I came across a non profit horse revival organisation that helps horses in need. And its in town. Crazy — cause i’ve been looking for places like that since before i even stepped foot in Laramie. I went to a few and never heard anything back when i attempted to reach out after our original meetings. But this one i found out about yesterday morning, sent in my form a little after lunch and had set up a casual meeting at 5.30pm that afternoon.
I left work early, i figured it was owed to me as i arrived earlier than expected in the morning. Jack picked me up from work and we went home, i threw on whatever farm gear i had handy and left, lickity split.
The sun down is always beautiful on that edge of town and everything was beautiful hues of pink and soft purple. The mountains in the distance were already cuddled up to bed.
The people i met were lovely, wonderful and happy people. Folks that you like the moment you meet them. For me thats saying a lot. They treat horses with respect and don’t act like they’re some fluffy teddy bear to show around like a fairy on a string. This non profit is working its bones and doing whatever they can to help what ever horse they can. And i am honoured to be able to become even a little part of it.
This afternoon i’ll be going back to get my hands dirty and trying to get into a swing. I’m a little nervous as i always am when it comes to new things, but im so excited too. I hope i can remember what i’ve learnt over the years, by law im not really a “horse person” like the others around here or anywhere. I didn’t grow up living in it. I grew up chasing it, but this is a great start in a good place. I’ll update you when i can about how it goes.
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This week has been relatively great with only one full day of work, a snow day and then a half day today; now the rest of the week is all ours. Tomorrow is thanksgiving, something that doesn’t mean anything to me because i’m grateful every day for what i have, my experiences and so on and so forth. Still — the time off is most definitely welcome! Today was particularly great because i finally got to visit a horse arena that i’ve wanted to visit since before we arrived in Laramie. Any one who knows me knows i’d prefer to be around animals and its a bonus if its horses. So i was incredibly excited about meeting the people, the horses and seeing the area. I felt it went very well. The people were wonderful and incredibly friendly. Their horses were precious senior personalities, old animals are the sweetest. The arena/barn itself was perfect. It had everything you could possibly need.
Unfortunately i can’t be there as much as i want due to working full time. I already wanted to be at this barn 24/7 because its a perfect scenario for me, but alas there is not enough time in the day. I desperately want to put myself through a two week course at the Wyoming School of Horse shoeing, which costs a pretty penny, so i have to do the job that pays. But we’ll see what happens. I’ll still be taking some riding lessons and doing some photography/social media work for them in the future, but i’d love to get more involved in that if life allows. Maybe if i get lucky things will fall into place. I sadly don’t see us staying in Wyoming too long, we love the state — i REALLY love Wyoming! Unfortunately there are issues since we’ve arrived that long term may cause us to leave… but moving is hard and sometimes it doesn’t quite fit right away so we’ll give it time as we always do. I hope for now that i can do the things i want to do here before we decide to leave. We shall see.
I didn’t take any photographs as the bossman was showing me around, because i like to experience things first and photograph later (besides i didn’t want to be rude). So next time i go i’ll be taking some senior horse portraits and i’m so unbelievably excited. All the horses wanted attention as i walked through the stalls and by the arena. There was even a big soft draft horse with a fluffy winter coat that i got to have a little chat with. Draft horses are the horses i’d like to specialise in when shoeing and i was told once i’d taken the course in Cheyenne that i’d be more than welcome to practice on their horses for experience. That would be amazing, they even mentioned connecting me with a female farrier who has an excellent reputation. This just sounds too good to be true ! It’d be a dream to be a farrier, i’d love it and i could live anywhere i wanted and make my own schedules, be my own boss. I feel that i may be one step closer… a small step. But a step is a step and i’ll take what i can get.
Anyway, good night friends and sleep well.