Tonight i had a lovely evening at the rescue, and it’s an early night tonight ready for the Denver Expo tomorrow.
Bird and i bid thee – a goodnight.
It’s another Monday night, and another day closer to the weekend. Boy i started counting down Sunday night. You bet i did.
Tonight i was supposed to go to the horse rescue but it showed to be far too cold to do anything, so only the feeders went out there this evening. I really wanted to go out there to get to know everyone more and to get over my anxiety a little. The more often i go the quicker that feeling subsides and i can feel like i can get more deeply involved. When i get anxious i stand in my own way, for example i wont go ahead and do something i know how to do unless i’m told. I’ll let someone show me how to do something even if i already know how to do it. See what i’m saying? Then later that’ll piss me off that i didn’t just go ahead and do it in the first place.
Nevertheless I’ll be going back on Wednesday to film some riding and lunging for an adoption video, maybe take a few pictures too. I haven’t brought the big camera out there yet but i look forward to the results. Hopefully i’ll be doing some lunging with Isabella Bird (27 year old thoroughbred who is the sweetest). I’d love to adopt her myself but i have no place to keep her — same with Prada the Arabian Princess. They are such sweethearts.
But if we’re moving again, which we most likely will, it’s just not possible for me to get a horse right now.
It sucks that UW ruined Wyoming, because Wyoming is one of the most beautiful states i’ve ever seen in my life. Christ. The stuff of a little 6 years olds dreams of cowboys and campfires and wild horses.
It’s been a good 15 years or more since i lunged a horse, so you can bet your arse im out of practice. I also haven’t worked at barn for a year and a half now. It’s incredibly frustrating to stand in your own way, and i battle and beat my head against it daily. So even though all this socialising stresses me and worries me, i really love the company so far. Easy people to get a long with and they really want the best for the equines they care for. Not to mention that they seem more than happy to let me “in.” I kinda already feel like part of the group though i’m not as educated in the nature of horses as they are. I’m an actor after all, not an equestrian. But what more could you want from new experiences? I think i’m pretty bad ass for going against my own insecurities and telling them to go to hell. I might be a lone bear who likes the company of crickets, but this time i found folks i like.
I had my first real “shift” so to speak on Saturday, and it was a great day with good company. I felt a little unsteady at first but i think given some time i’ll soon get back into the swing. Because we keep moving, as soon as i get settled in a place, it all goes down the drain then i have to start over again. And thanks to UW i’m sure it’ll happen at least one more time. However, i will say when we go out on adventures or i go to this place — it makes it easier to deal with the mundane weekdays that drain life outta me, not completely —– but some. Also — i love this damn cat. Holy crap.
Sometimes i feel like an imposter walking around in boots & cowboy hats, with a laconic state of mind, being so foreign and trying to hustle in with the real cowkids and western girls on horse back, but they really make me feel welcome at this new place, which is totally new to me. Exciting stuff.
Anyway i filmed a few clips and will be making a video of my first day there which i can’t wait to share with you. Yesterday we also took a trip to Cheyenne where i filmed all day for the fun of it. I think it’ll be “A day in Wyoming” type of video but we’ll see how that goes with time and all.
My dad might not be from Tennessee, my step father doesn’t sing the ballads in a dive bar and my mother isn’t some Southern woman who taught me to be the perfect pioneer wife. I’m just a lost little kid walking around this big world trying everything life has to give me. Missing all those i left behind in sad and bad and pretty home places. Finding my way through fields and mountains and plains and state to state to state. I get a little closer as it goes, but i know the feeling of being an imposter may haunt me a good long year or two yet. If you look at me now though, sitting on this here rock and thinking over all the places i’ve seen and the one guy that showed me what love was like?
I don’t have that much to complain about.
Happy Monday — see you again soon.
It happened in the blink of an eye, immediately after i complained on my instagram about having no place to do horse-y things …I found a place.
I came across a non profit horse revival organisation that helps horses in need. And its in town. Crazy — cause i’ve been looking for places like that since before i even stepped foot in Laramie. I went to a few and never heard anything back when i attempted to reach out after our original meetings. But this one i found out about yesterday morning, sent in my form a little after lunch and had set up a casual meeting at 5.30pm that afternoon.
I left work early, i figured it was owed to me as i arrived earlier than expected in the morning. Jack picked me up from work and we went home, i threw on whatever farm gear i had handy and left, lickity split.
The sun down is always beautiful on that edge of town and everything was beautiful hues of pink and soft purple. The mountains in the distance were already cuddled up to bed.
The people i met were lovely, wonderful and happy people. Folks that you like the moment you meet them. For me thats saying a lot. They treat horses with respect and don’t act like they’re some fluffy teddy bear to show around like a fairy on a string. This non profit is working its bones and doing whatever they can to help what ever horse they can. And i am honoured to be able to become even a little part of it.
This afternoon i’ll be going back to get my hands dirty and trying to get into a swing. I’m a little nervous as i always am when it comes to new things, but im so excited too. I hope i can remember what i’ve learnt over the years, by law im not really a “horse person” like the others around here or anywhere. I didn’t grow up living in it. I grew up chasing it, but this is a great start in a good place. I’ll update you when i can about how it goes.
This week has been relatively great with only one full day of work, a snow day and then a half day today; now the rest of the week is all ours. Tomorrow is thanksgiving, something that doesn’t mean anything to me because i’m grateful every day for what i have, my experiences and so on and so forth. Still — the time off is most definitely welcome! Today was particularly great because i finally got to visit a horse arena that i’ve wanted to visit since before we arrived in Laramie. Any one who knows me knows i’d prefer to be around animals and its a bonus if its horses. So i was incredibly excited about meeting the people, the horses and seeing the area. I felt it went very well. The people were wonderful and incredibly friendly. Their horses were precious senior personalities, old animals are the sweetest. The arena/barn itself was perfect. It had everything you could possibly need.
Unfortunately i can’t be there as much as i want due to working full time. I already wanted to be at this barn 24/7 because its a perfect scenario for me, but alas there is not enough time in the day. I desperately want to put myself through a two week course at the Wyoming School of Horse shoeing, which costs a pretty penny, so i have to do the job that pays. But we’ll see what happens. I’ll still be taking some riding lessons and doing some photography/social media work for them in the future, but i’d love to get more involved in that if life allows. Maybe if i get lucky things will fall into place. I sadly don’t see us staying in Wyoming too long, we love the state — i REALLY love Wyoming! Unfortunately there are issues since we’ve arrived that long term may cause us to leave… but moving is hard and sometimes it doesn’t quite fit right away so we’ll give it time as we always do. I hope for now that i can do the things i want to do here before we decide to leave. We shall see.
I didn’t take any photographs as the bossman was showing me around, because i like to experience things first and photograph later (besides i didn’t want to be rude). So next time i go i’ll be taking some senior horse portraits and i’m so unbelievably excited. All the horses wanted attention as i walked through the stalls and by the arena. There was even a big soft draft horse with a fluffy winter coat that i got to have a little chat with. Draft horses are the horses i’d like to specialise in when shoeing and i was told once i’d taken the course in Cheyenne that i’d be more than welcome to practice on their horses for experience. That would be amazing, they even mentioned connecting me with a female farrier who has an excellent reputation. This just sounds too good to be true ! It’d be a dream to be a farrier, i’d love it and i could live anywhere i wanted and make my own schedules, be my own boss. I feel that i may be one step closer… a small step. But a step is a step and i’ll take what i can get.
Anyway, good night friends and sleep well.
I was going to start by saying that winter is almost upon us in Wyoming, but it’d be a bald faced lie.
The snow has been yo-yoing worse than a cheap whore lately and it’s hard to plan for weather that can’t decide what the fuck it’s doing, but welcome to the West. It feels strange that we’ve already been living here for nearly three months.
I’ve applied for some hours at an equestrian centre that I’m hoping to hear from this week, and I really hope I can get some barn chore hours during the weekend. I’m made for tough graft not so much office lazing, I detest being kept inside and staring a screen for 80% of my week. Unfortunately I had to give up my little job at the antique place because I won’t be around in the holiday season and I can’t really be depended to work every weekend where I have to interact with people professionally. A horse place I can handle, because I figure they’ll be more like me here… with any luck. Its not a huge loss because it wasn’t supposed to be a long term thing, i only wanted a bit of income until i found something full time.
I’ve also been spending a lot of time working on my novel that I was supposed to try and finish this year, but I ended up falling a little behind. Right now I’m scouting around for possible literary agents that might enjoy my work but that’s slightly tedious as I know what I write is very good, but I don’t know that an agent will but I suppose we’ll see what it brings. I realize I’ll be facing a shite tone of rejections and it can take years before books get published, but all the more time to improve I suppose. Lately I’ve just been feeling the inspiration I was been lacking in New England so my fingers are truly growing numb with considering how much write (hand write + type) when I should be working. I do my job but when there’s nothing else on my agenda I will write. Some days, much like today, I had nothing to do and wrote from 8am till around 4.30pm or whenever I’ll finish revising this blog draft. And realized something, something it’s taken years for me to realize. I am born to tell stories; whether it is on stage with an audience or whether it is through poetry and prose. It doesn’t matter. I have often imagined the life of a writer and what it’s like. The more I write and force myself to make time for it the more I realize that that’s for the life of me. I can be anywhere in the world and I can tell a story. Every day around 8:30am I do my writing exercise and each becomes a beautiful little prose of unimpeded emotion that needed to be filtered from my heart in order to make more progress with the main works. I’ve actually been toying with the idea of creating a little book of all my small exercise pieces, however as you can imagine I have many ideas in the works as I always am apt and so nothing will probably become of any. That’s fine, at least I bled to try.
I don’t know what the future will bring, and I don’t know that right now that’s so very important to me – what’s important is what we’re doing now. Planning trips to deadwood, guest ranches, Denmark and planning weekends at home with pizza, historical documentaries and picture editing. Don’t get me wrong I have an outline of things I’d like to do. Hopefully I’ll be taking a class at the University and in the spring I’ll be applying to attend the school of horseshoeing in Cheyenne. I genuinely hope this can come to fruition but it depends a lot on saving up the funds in time. I don’t even know that I’ll be good at it, but I want to give it a try as I’ve done everything else that interested me up till now. So I’m not about to stop learning and doing new things. Besides I’m still holding on to that dream of my own farm with a horse shoeing station in the barn and a view of Nevada or Texas or even Wyoming outside the rolling door. Its right there next to the tall ship dream but whichever one comes is more than welcome, but for right now I’m living the cowboy life and it mostly feels like a dream.
I think for now that’s enough from me.