goodnight bird

Me too, Bird. It’s been a week if its been a day, and we’re all ready for the weekend.
Tonight i had a lovely evening at the rescue, and it’s an early night tonight ready for the Denver Expo tomorrow.
Bird and i bid thee – a goodnight.

This sweet thoroughbred is available for adoption!

valentine’s day full of broken roses ** new video **

The title might give you a wee misconception about some bad valentine’s day. That’s not the truth. I don’t much believe in the holidays, especially those that don’t give me a day off from work. ‘Cause that ain’t a damn holiday – then it’s just some sad money grabbing attempt at making people feel lonely, feel set apart and dead inside or make ’em feel like they need to prove they love that cheating bastard on the sofa. Pointless.
Every day is a gift if you got the right fish in the tank, that’s all I’m saying.

Anyway, as I said, that’s not really strictly what this post is about. I’ve strongly been considering getting rid of this blog and my other social media profiles. Not because I don’t enjoy them – I enjoy my blog and I enjoy making videos on YouTube, hell I even like Instagram on occasion. However, it starts to make everything feel pressured. Make life look good, make that angle pretty and taught and for heaven’s sake stop me looking like some old failure in a cape. I think we all become guilty of feeling like our feeds have to look a particular way, shape or form – it has to paint us as these perfect beings without a moment’s thought for broken convictions. And as someone more broken than most – I find that hard to look at, knowing how false it is. People copying one another and only doing certain things to see if their following picks up. It’s damn sad.

Truly I don’t know why I have a blog at all. I’m unfriendly, occasionally guilty of being unfeeling toward others and I’m an incredibly private person. The strange part is – that I like blogging. Why they hell do I like it, do you suppose? The free flow of words that won’t make it into books but have still been said – that’s what I like. For those of you who follow me on Instagram you’ll have noticed and read my stories. I cut the ties to the folks who follow me in hopes of follows back, the accounts that were simply there for numbers sake and so forth. I deleted the negative unreal posts from my feed. The numbers don’t matter, which i knew already, but now the constat itch is gone. Now my feed is of all those good souls sharing the important small moments of their life and being honest when times are hard, when times are sad and when that little glimmer of hope comes to them as if from nowhere. That’s what it’s for. Not all that competition bullshit.

Oh hell, it’s Valentine’s Day. So let’s move on!
Today Jack and I will be getting tattoos. We originally had no plans for Valentine’s Day — not any that were different from any other day. Have dinner together, talk about our day, laugh and comfort each other. Finish the night with Disney films, Miami vice or a good swashbuckling film about pirates and ships. However, we went to get tattoos a few weeks ago – our artist was swamped with appointments and we wanted a few adjustments to our ideas, and so she asked us if we wanted to come back on Valentine’s Day and get them done – so just like that we have plans for today.

And here is a video from our little Valentines day date!

 

** new video! **

Good afternoon everyone! I just posted a new video on youtube. Take a look!
Im hoping to make maybe one video at least every two weeks once i get a consistent system down. And im still working up to making a video from my trip to Denmark.
Anyway, i hope youll go take a look and maybe subscribe. ♡

right now

Right now my website is down again unfortunately. Im not sure what to do about it but with any luck by the time i finish this post it’ll be running.
I’ve spent most of my day so far cooking breakfast and washing our clothes. We took a quick ride to walmart to get some medicine as Jack and i are already sick after being home for 5 days. Can you believe it? I caught something from work because someone doesn’t know how to keep their coughs to themselves — the first week back at work drug out like a son of a bitch, and i’m already dreading Monday. The week was tough. It almost made it feel like my time in Denmark never happened. But as my mum says .. it did happen. And i’m thankful for it.

Sometimes going home is bittersweet. It turns me through loops and confuses me; the whole ordeal of leaving and saying goodbye to my loved ones takes a good 10 years off me every time, and by that logic i should be dead last week. Now that my parents have a homestead there, it was different. It was like “living” in Denmark rather than just having a holiday, and i preferred it that way.  If i were a money deep author i’d live half/half in Denmark & Texas, but alas i’m not. I’m incredibly close to finishing my novel, and i mean very close. I write mostly at work and obviously i’m consistently interrupted so i lose concentration. When i get home in the evenings i’m so mentally exhausted that if i had to bare my soul on the page i’d simply slip away and give in. Theres only so much i can take at once. As you well know, i’m not built for captivity. In an office i’m a wasted resource and i often find myself misplaced, but one must pay for the privilege of living well; and i will never look down my nose at that. Actors and authors must pay their way with jobs no one wants — and as i happen to be both i’m twice as punished.

(insert rant here for good measure)
Unfortunately, much to my great regret, i had to cancel my class that was going to start on the 27th of January. I did everything within my power to make it work and jumped through every hoop thrown at me by the university. I got stressed out with the people i had to deal with as very little information was available and for the longest time they didn’t even know how to sign me up for said class. I was told to contact a hundred different people, each other passing me off to someone else who had no idea how to wash themselves let alone how to help me utilise my benefits.  I asked what was required of me through admissions in October — and they were still making up new rules as of this week. I was so tired of running around for them and knowing they still would fuck something else up, that i simply cashed it in. I went to get shots just to be able to be a student (I work at the university so this really made NO sense), i put in all my paperwork and everything. Then this week i received a bill for the first month of the class for $1000. And i about lost my fucking rag. Literally.
“Hell fucking no.”
And i contacted anyone i could about it. “Oh those are hidden fees for the class. You have to pay iff your class is more than 6 credit hours.”
The class i chose was merely 4. Almost the entire experience was retarded. I kept on with it because i desperately wanted to give myself the class as a gift, but at that the cost of the stress and whatever else? Fuck that shit. Not to mention the class is supposed to be free for employees. Needless to say — universities still aren’t for me. Jesus christ. Blasphemy and what not.
I hate that it seems like i complain a lot lately but i don’t see the point in painting life to be some flower with full petals, when it simply isn’t. Going to university was NEVER the right decision for me; i would feel very very trapped. I only took this class because it would be 5 months of my life and it was in a subject i felt passionately about and always wanted to try, but for some reason this university doesn’t function very well — i hate to say it but truly.
So i went ahead and tried to cancel my class, only to find out a new hold had been put on my account so i couldn’t access it. Apparently i hadn’t had my Immunisations yet. But i had them sorted out in November and i provided proof of my other ones from England & Denmark… i went into the student health office specifically (they originally messed up my payment and charged me $85 instead $5 dollars which i eventually got back) and they had zero record of me having ever been there. I mean.. At this point you couldn’t make this shit up. Not to mention i had this issue once already, which led me to go and get the shots done in the first place and they took the hold off in December.

But fear not — its not all gone to shit. Yet. I immediately signed up for the Farrier School that same day. I’m just waiting to hear back from them whether or not i get in; fingers crossed. I believe it will take a few weeks to hear back. That is the one thing i truly care about and is very important to me; if it goes well and i like it well enough, i plan to attend a full 8 week class in Texas when i save up the money. Though if i don’t get in — so be it. Then i suppose its not meant to be and i’ll stick to the acting, writing and whatever the hell else it is i do.
Today i started working out again and i feel so much better afterwards, that and writing is the best and most effective therapy to date.
My spirit is not broken and all is not lost. The future comes whether we ask her to or not. Thank goodness for that.
I hope you have a happy weekend.

Country house
The house in Denmark
People by a lake
My mum showing us around the grounds, and thats there is the dude sitting his coffee by the lake and abiding.
Wilting flowers
Danish mornings are the most promising
Prettiest Kitty
My cat Daisy contemplating whether to talk to me or not since i’ve been gone so long. My parents called her Izabella in the beginning because she wouldn’t share food and acted like a feline version of me. This never changed. While i was there it was constantly “Bel — nej Daisy!” “Daisy?” “øh, jeg hedder altså Izabella men ok.”
handsome cat
My sweet Charlie. I truly love my cats and though they live happily with my parents, a day doesn’t go by where i don’t miss them terribly. They are the most wonderful creatures. If i could have them and Basil with me for the rest of my life; why i’d be so lucky.