what they don’t tell you about when you finish your first book (part 2)

♡ You will HATE reading your first draft. I will tell you — it really is a terrible experience.

♡ You will try to find excuses not to pick it up and edit it.

♡ You will lose your writing routine because you want to avoid working on your work, because you need to edit now. Not writing in a flow.

♡ You will cry. You will cry at almost everything.

♡ The prospect of finding an agent in this too big world will be the first thing to set you off.

♡ The second is the amount of rejections you need to mentally prepare yourself for, whilst continuing to believe in your work enough to get it published.

♡ You will want to start book number two to prove to yourself you can still write and the first one can wait. FALSE. By all means take notes if you have a grand idea for book two but pull through and finish the first, first. You can do it.

♡ You will spend every night trying to find publishers, read agent profiles and wonder how the hell the business work.

♡ You will cry because you don’t know the business works.

♡ You will cry because you’re sure you can’t handle rejections. Trust me. You can, and if you can’t you better get into practice.

♡ You will compared yourself to any book you read while working on your own. Just because yours is different doesn’t make it shite.

♡ You will eventually get through your novel, and start feeling a weird sensation. This is your confidence coming back — you made it. You’re on your second draft.

♡ You will start re-writing and it’ll seem like you knew you what you wanted to say to your reader from the very beginning. You just needed a little mental push and self doubt to get you to that point.

♡ You will cry because the agent business is coming awful close.

♡ You will cry because penguin wont immediately sign you.

♡ It is all worth it. Trust me. This entire process has been out of this world.

————– And so i bring you to the stage that i am at currently. Right now i am continuing my writing exercises daily, setting aside a time and having my phone send me an alert when i forget. I work on at least one chapter a day of re-writing my manuscript and working on my notes from my read through. Right now i’m very excited with where its going. I feel positive, excited and pleased with myself. I almost believe it could be a great little novel. Thus far i have reached chapter eight of my re-write. Only thirty more to go.

what kind of writer i think i am

I’m not sure what i want to come out of this particular post but its a question i often find myself pondering.
Im not your run of the mill woman with words only in defence of vaginas and all woe is me about how bad life is because “men”  and how much i struggle and point point point at the devil who fucked me over.  If thats your thing you wont find it here. Nothing wrong with it i suppose but i just don’t buy it. I’ve met more bad women than men, but there are equally as many men that aren’t good. No one is better than the other. Nevertheless I complain a fair amount and a lot of what i write is probably construed as “negative” — its not necessarily, its just honest and raw. But i don’t believe i am owed a single damn thing because of past experiences.

I like men and i like things that men do, they’ve done things to me i didn’t like and i got over it. Eventually. Cigarette burns turn to scars and disappear in the sun, thats good enough for me. I don’t see ’em no more.

I’m a life writer. I used to be a good person and in the deepest pit i still can be. But when i write its all born from the pain, hate, loss, goodness, life, true exhilarating glee, experience and what kept me alive. When you read my books, my poetry, songs and plays — you are reading me, loving me and living with me. Im not some beautiful soul with well wishes and kisses for babes. Im the woman in the dark without a kind word for anyone but the poor lad by the fire, and he’s the one i chose to save.

Im a broken hollow bone story teller, and thats what i’ll write when it comes to my author bio. It’s my niche, my living and hopelessness all laced into a short phrase with the power of some bad God behind it. I’ve started paying more attention to the business side of my journey to becoming a published author, not just a magazine writer or lonesome mole with a lyrical sense to scribble in the dark. I used to write for magazines, i sent in my work and it never truly worked for me, especially after some son of a bitch stole my article. He took it, edited it, had it printed and fucked me over royally. Imagine my embarrassment when my mother and sailing friends bought the magazine purely for my work… and it was nowhere to be found. That was an unhappy experience for me when i had to admit to them, that yes — my article was stolen and no i don’t know that i’ll get over it. I never wanted to write again because “what if?” So i don’t publish my real work online anymore. The stuff you read on instagram is just soliloquies and train of thought. Its all bullshit and bloodwords. I liked the magazine business sometimes but it was a lot of work for something i was not truly invested in, Mutiny Magazine was the favourite that i wrote for and i would still like to write for them now and again when my schedule frees up. Great, fun & happy pirates & mermaids. Ha.

Anyway back to my point. My instagram tag has changed from “hyggjaa” to my name. I’ve considered this change since i started really working on this novel, i knew for a fact an agent would suggest i changed it to make readers able to find me with ease. So i went ahead and got it over with. Same with my facebook page — last night i officially changed it to Writer/Author, but i imagine my posts will still be somewhat the same but perhaps with more books or the like. This is also the reason for 95% of my unfollows. I kept those relevant to my happiness, or those i enjoy following and the rest have been unfollowed. It’s nice to feel it is a fresh, raw if you will, start. Over the next period of time there will be changes, considerations and probably intermittent silences. I will be working my absolute hardest to find agent i can work with, get my book published and really dive into my first few chapters of a second novel.

My next steps will be to complete an author bio (this will change over time but i’d like a good solid start — but i am TERRIBLE at writing about myself. I hate it and i dont believe in bragging – its ugly.) I will start to reach out to my lists of possible agents when the books is totally finished ( i am prepared to face many many rejections, just like acting thats what this business is like — though i am yet to be rejected in acting. Ha. Brag. Ugly.) and i will keep writing through it all. Doing my exercises, living and writing.

May you stay well and live as you like. If you have something to say, please feel free to comment below !! I’d love to connect…. on my own terms.

i finished my book!

Ok, so it’s not totally print-worthy finished. Nevertheless every chapter has been written, every note and comment and character well rounded and a part of the ride of its life, of my little novel. I can’t quite believe that I made it here, to this mountain I’m standing on and wondering whether to turn back whilst I still can or keep on keeping on to the top of the summit like a spider to the fly.
Whether this book makes it, with me in tow, isn’t the point. It’s that I reached this high completely myself by my own head and hands. If I died tomorrow – this is one of the true few things I can be proud of. It was something I didn’t plan. I never sat down and thought, “hey I think I’ll ruin my damn mind and sit down and write a book.” Never came to me. I knew I wanted to write but the thought of writing a book and living with yourself throughout, and working full time, was not on my cards — until it was.

For years I’ve filled notebooks with phrases, ideas and little people I thought it would be good to meet and learn a thing or two from. Those hundreds of notebooks are not in a single binding. 
The first novel of me. 
Now I’ll need to back it all up – once, twice & thrice! After that I’ll see about getting it printed somewhere so I can sit down and hold it in my hands. When I’m done staring at the title and being in awe of the actual fact that I FINISHED DAMN NOVEL. Then I’ll pour myself a tall cool glass of Dr. Pepper and start reading. As I go I’ll be making notes, see what does and doesn’t work and then make changes like it was the entire intension from the beginning.
It’s a rare feeling I have in my heart today. I could make an audience scream with laughter, I could be a good person and I could write a book. I’ve done all these things now. No idea where I’m going with that train of thought or where I’ve been, but so and so. 
 Much like myself, I’m sure you’re wondering what the hell my next step is. I haven’t a fucking clue.Right now I’ll drown myself in the euphoria of having finished the novel. Allow me that, and join me if you wish. The novel that I seem to have been unconsciously meaning to write since nowhere.

No, thats not the title of my book. Forgive me if i don’t share it with you, but its a title im very proud of and until the book is published — i’d prefer to keep it to myself. This is only the first five chapters of my story, but its better than nothing. Hopefully tomorrow i can go somewhere and print a full draft, stupid how excited that really makes me!

I have a few literary agents that I get good vibes from that happen to accept western submissions, something that is surprisingly rare nowadays – but I’m bringing this genre back from the dead. I’m hoping it won’t be too troublesome to find someone I can see myself working with long term, but they’ll have to enjoy my random nonsensical blutterings and made up words – and then also be able to deal with my company. We’ll see. Wish me luck.

brace yourself

Im trying to brace myself. Everyone is out of the office till the rest of the week and im absolutely taking advantage of that. Ive finished my writing exercise for the day and been looking for the 100th time for a single agent i feel positive about. Just to be a wee bit ahead 0f whatever game it is that im playing. I found three that i think i might be fantastic. Whether they’ll think the same of me is the hard part. We shall see.

Now. Ive had an obligatory office donut, i chose the one with almonds, and so for the rest of the day i will be doing this and that. Until around 2.30 when i steal away to the student center and kiss with Jack Kerouac for an hour. I would rather be home watching Secret Window of course. A weird movie to inspire someone but its my favourite film and i think of it often to get myself into the spirit of writing.

Lately ive had a few issues with HR at work which is why im so overly stressed and thinly strung, but none of that now.

a day in the life of a lowly semi-published writer

It’s Friday, almost the best day of the week for me because my give-a-shit is nil and it’s almost Saturday. Today I wanted to show you what a regular day in my life looks like.

I woke up at dick o’clock this morning unable to breathe due to the air is awful dry here. I got ready, packed my work bag and before leaving I checked on the bird in my wash room; to make sure he was warm enough and had something to eat/drink while I’m gone.


And so into the frosty air we ventured to the bus stop and waited the 5 minutes it takes to arrive. The buses here are incredible. They come to the end of our road every 5 to 6 minutes until 6.30pm at night. As you can imagine this is very convenient as we barely use the car at all and can keep it in the garage when the weather is bad. Jack and I walk to work together, Jack walks me to my office because that’s love and when I reach my desk I’m usually 30 minutes early. I hate getting to work so early but it’s the best way to avoid an over cramped bus with too many students that all smell of body odor and mistakes.
Besides it gives me time to get into the mindset of being surrounded by people all day.

Throughout the day I do my job, which is what it is. My job helps pay to fund our habits of travel, swords, cameras and never ending balls of yarn – – until one day my books take the stand and see me paid for for the rest of my probably short life. Then I can have a sommerhus in Denmark and be surrounded by home when ancestral air whenever I like, and fly back to Wyoming or Texas; wherever my horses may be. Who knows, I may wish to return home for good one day. Denmark is very different these days though however.


When there is down time at work that is when I force myself to write, and some days it truly is a battle.
I’m lucky in that I can always produce good content when it comes to writing, but for me it is about find the adequate content for the right project. Anyway, I’ll put on my inspirational music which brings down my heart rate so I can relax into my story, and I can sit and type for hours and forget the day. That is the happiest and most pleasant part of my work day. I tested my heartrate theory the last few days in fact because I’m odd like that but with the way my heart has been in the past it’s not a bad idea to keep a close eye on it. My heart rate is at the same rate when I’m sleeping as it is when I’m writing, whereas the moment someone speaks to me or asked me to do something its rockets up to 78. That to me is proof that my body craves words like sex and air, and that I should probably go to the doctor but I’m not paying for that shit. If I do not write I become sick in the mind. Going to work I see as a way to force and teach myself into a routine where I can bring writing to fruition on a consistent basis. If only I could do the same with reading but if my bosses see me with a book in my hand that might be over kill. I do try to read a little before I sleep, you cannot write if you do not read. Then you are doing half the work and hoping for the best.

And that is where I am sitting right now. At work writing to you because today is a day where my novel and I are finding it hard to figure each other out. I find myself counting the minutes to lunch time every day because I do intermittent fasting where I don’t begin to eat until noon and then I stop eating at 8pm. At higher altitude that is a pretty hard habit to get into but I’m slowly making progress. I’ve made myself a special lunch today of fruit, home-made rye bread, dried cherry + spinach + kale salad with a dark chocolate oat drink. I made Jacks lunch for him last night and that was when the incident with blasted unboil-able rice occurred and no I’m not ready to talk about it. My heart rate immediately went to a solid 75 just mentioning it. 😉


So when I have finished here I shall go get my lunch and watch YouTube videos during my break. Proceed with whatever writing that I can until its home time. When that jubilant moment comes forth I shall find Jack, get on the bus and ride home to my domicile with pride and freedom in my heart.  Supposedly we are making a trip to Walmart for a new apple TV and then coming home where I will cook a Danish Meal called “millionbøf,” with scallions and vegetable spaghetti and bison meat.
Wow. Could that be anymore westernized than that? Bison meat instead of lovely Danish cows. I might even allow myself a dr.pepper (i did).  The space heater that looks like a cackle-oven will be lit and that’s when I’ll post this.


I’ve also planned my first real video since we’ve moved here, but when I have time to film it will be the question. I’ve been trying to discover the best settings in premier pro for exporting videos and the best camera settings but I’m not quite there yet. When I watch back my YouTube videos (rare) I notice that it looks compressed/sharpness has gone to balls and no matter what I do seems to fix the issue. I expect its many factors but its pisses me off. Its also a large part of the reason I don’t post as many videos as I’d like.


I wish you a good night and i hope you enjoyed a more in depth view of my life.
More to follow i’m sure. How did you spend your Friday today?