a little post and an update

The first day of work has long since passed.
And no – it wasn’t as bad as I thought thankfully. Bad experiences, however, can’t help but cause one alarm once in a while and everyone is always bricking it on the first day.

Yesterday we had our first snow and the first flash of bitter cold that won’t compare to the true cold winter has to offer us for however long we stay in Wyoming. I think I could stay but I’d always be wondering what the sea was doing without me and if I was missing out, someplace else.  I can tell that Jack is ready to be home in Texas where the sun is always hot and everything is familiar, I don’t blame him. He’s a hot blooded creature and likes hot blooded places – though I find him quite at home in Denmark too. The man flourishes on burning plains not frozen ones. Having said that he’s a good egg and there’s nothing he can’t tackle . We both enjoy it here immensely, truly,  but there comes a time when the body starts yearning to be where your grave will be planted.
Without a doubt I can definitely relate to that dreadful pining for home though. That has hit me pretty hard lately, it has its moments and its ups and downs. It comes often and then hardly at all.  Such is life sadly. And it goes on — the harshest words in history. Life goes on. Oh what a terrible thing though you’re glad it does in some way.

The best way to describe how I am feeling  – I am tired of being foreign. It’s a fucking hard job to keep up. It’s work. Even going home to Denmark I’m foreign and that is a great pain to me. A heavy weight on my shoulders that already have mountains piled high.

This week I started drivers ed, which is as dull and time consuming as it sounds but it only feels as such due to the copious amounts of free time I now don’t have. I had to cancel all my hours at the antique shop which I really enjoyed, for the whole month because there’s not enough time in the day. Feeling much like a confined animal whose being poked at from all different angles, that’s me lately and I’m ever so tired. This is the realistic life of a traveler. It’s not all hot suns, sandaled feet and perfect pictures for posting. Its bloody noses, falling on ice and the most magical experiences that you don’t always have to share with someone else.

Starting over. New jobs. New places and faces and situations that might not be what you expected. October is already a very stressful month for me. I can’t relax because I want the driving over with because its 45 minutes to the class room, it interferes with my job and my evenings but that’s adulting. 14 hour days and very few hours of sleep. Quite so. And when it’s over I’ll find another blasted thing to bother me because such is the life of me. The class itself is fine – all three hours of it. I can drive alright but it’s the other cars I have an issue with, so.. take that for what it is.

I believe in making the most of everyday though. At work there can be a lot of time where there’s nothing to do, and instead of sitting there reading the comedy of errors that is the news or wasting away of on Facebook – I find free books to read and i always do writing exercises. Every day. For those of you who don’t know… reading is 50% writing and I do it to keep up my creativeness as much as possible and keep my soul from running the fuck away. I stumbled across some wonderful sailing novels that I thoroughly enjoyed and there also happened to be two novels by Jens Peter Jacobsen, a Danish man with a talent for modernism and brimful descriptions. It was well translated, that has to be said, but Danish books (and any foreign book in general) should always be read in their mother tongue. So much is lost in translation and words are changed entirely if there IS no translation.
Having said that, if you’re reading you’re already winning.

And finally…
Christmas is coming and we’ll be spending it in Denmark with all the family. I haven’t been able to spend Christmas at home for many many years now and Denmark is the best place on earth at Christmas time. Believe me.
This Christmas, though a few are missing from the table this year and from beneath it, will be special and annoying and full of laughter and a ridiculous amount of food for a single belly to muster. Really I have had a lot of great things taken care of within only 6 weeks and everything is well, however because I’m on the loopy side of depressive all I can focus on is getting the damn driving over with, so I can have my creative hours back in my every day. I’m sure some of you can relate. If you’re creative and you’re kept from your output – you’re a god damn disaster. A bomb walking around meanly ticking at good people.

Enjoy your Friday night and find the good in your day, 24 hours at a time.

goodnight laramie

Jack and i took our first trip out to the plains at night so i could really get a chance to play around with astrophotography.
It did not disappoint. Wyoming has the clearest sky i’ve seen in my entire life — especially at night. You could almost pick the stars like apples from a tree.  They bred like rabbits up,  skated along the milkyway and dotted.every blank space for millions of years.

It was so breath taking.

And now to bed.

15 things from my bucketlist

  1. Photograph the wild horses in Wyoming.
  2. Visit and stay a while in Deadwood.
  3. Live on a Shetland island.
  4. Travel around the West with the sun at our backs.
  5. Keep working on my current novel.
  6. Start putting up knitted pieces on my etsy and stop being so damn lazy.
  7. Make a cable knit sweater.
  8. Go home to Denmark in the summer time and in the wintertime, and any time at all.
  9. Film another mini film with dialogue and stop being so damn lazy.
  10. Take a whole day where i don’t make myself feel guilty for doing absolutely fucking nothing at all.
  11. Learn to make the front of my hair look less like a bear chewed on it when i have a dutch plait.
  12. Leave New England ASAP.
  13. Look back at England and smile. Brexit or no Brexit. England is just another home i left behind.
  14. Paint a western landscape.
  15. Stop feeling like i’m too old.
  16. Learn to count.

klokken lort om natten



Klokken er lidt over lort om natten i USA og  som sædvanligt kan jeg ikke sove. Jeg fik pludseligt lyst til at skrive et dansk indlæg på bloggen — det er sku sjældent. Nu når Jack øver sig i at lære dansk bliver jeg mere og mere inspireret i at forbedre mit eget sprog. Han har simpelthen sat det op sådan at vi kan se dansk tv og radio programmer herovre circa 6500km væk — et jule mirakel if ever there was one. Det er så dejligt at kunne følge med i en julekalender imens man tæller op til jul, noget så simpelt varmer hjertet. Så kan jeg lade som om Danmark er lige ude for vinduet og mormor bor lige om hjørnet.

Når jeg læser det jeg skriver på dansk kan jeg godt mærke at jeg bliver enormt irriteret. På engelsk er jeg forfatter men på dansk kan jeg ikke huske de ord der ligger så tydeligt for mig på engelsk. Det er simpelthen så træls at indrømme at på dansk er min intelligens nok ikke ældre end 5 år gammel. Men pyt med det. Fordi det er jul og idag skal vi spise and og risalamande. Så så galt er det sku heller ikke.

I ønskes en rigtig glædelig jul og godt nyår herfra.

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a penny for your thoughts #1

We all know how hard it can be in a world where everything seems to be a competition.
Who has the best this, who does that better or who is the funniest.
Allow me to blow your mind here — it doesn’t matter, though i am one of the funniest.
Let’s just have that settled.

Recently i’ve received a lot of messages telling me how brave i was to move, ” i could never do that.” False.
You could, but you probably don’t want to. Thats probably all it is. And thats ok.
It may sound melodramatic, but no place has ever been truly home to me. So i’ve always found it easy to move because i’ve moved to new countries all my life. I spent almost every day of my life wishing i was everywhere but where i was. And that is a huge fault because it means i forget to live in the now. Every one has a different path. Looking back for the last two years its hit me hard how many times i should have been happy with what i had now that i don’t have it anymore. Cliché. No. It’s the honest and harsh reality of living. It’s not an epic adventure filled with childhood dreams and giggles. It’s fucking hard. And devastating. I find myself looking at others and just wishing i could be half as positive — but realistically i know they aren’t necessarily that happy behind the scenes. So let me tell you, and i’m telling myself this too — stop dreaming you were as pretty as her, she ain’t all that. Stop wishing he’d notice you — because if he hasn’t now he obviously doesn’t see the greatness that is YOU.  Just as you are. Stop wishing you were a million miles away because someone else makes a different place looks like a dream. Don’t allow social media to make you think you need to change.
And to myself, most absolutely, stop dreaming that anywhere but here is where living starts.
Sweet girl, it started 26 years ago and it’s about time you figured it out.