the hardest thing on earth

“The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters”

The most beautiful truth — choosing what matters. We all had dreams when we were young, and even still nothing has or may ever become of them. I wanted to be a runner and i’m not talking for want of a gold medal or world renown fame in the olympics. No. I’m talking Forest Gump running. My little heart wanted to race as far as my even smaller legs could take me. It didn’t matter where or how: Its just what i wanted. To this day i’m a great runner but due to snapping ankles that dream can never truly “be.” You know what? Thats just fine. That doesn’t mean the dream is gone but Its life. Now I have created a life that has taken me to places i thought i’d never reach, never could dream of or ever dared to think i’d go to. I don’t aspire for a certain career or job. I try to spend every day doing something i enjoy. I work jobs that i dreamed of having as a child. Sometimes i pick up horse shit — its worth every minute as i get lots of cuddles, become more understanding and have horse snot all over me on a constant basis ( what a bonus!) Other days i write and write and write and write etc.. Sometimes i act, other times i’m a photographer. I’m very lucky and everyday i realise that a little more. I’m thankful for what i have and what i do.

This last year or so i’ve really starting pursuing things i want to do in life. A dream is to have a ranch of my own with a couple of horses, maybe sheep or goats and some form of feathery egg laying bird (no rooster because they don’t usually like me). If i’m feeling really crazy, i am, i’d love to have a big old honorary long horn. I’d love to have acres of land that i can ride out on, camp and live free. I’ve been working on farms as much as i can, getting to be around horses again and working on the ground work/care/riding . Meeting some lovely people with the same interest who i can learn from  + who are willing to show me the ropes. I used to be around horses a lot when i was younger but then i got busy with school, theatre, writing and then travelling — so i had to build that part of my life again. Its hard because i have to start over, but i’m glad im clever enough to want to learn it again.

Ultimately I choose life; and living it to the absolute full. I may never be the rider i want to be but i’ll happily spend my days trying to get there, putting in the hours, the money when i have it; at the end i can smile and say i gave it my damnedest. Finding the small things to be happy about in life is easy when you life for yourself. When you try to focus one what truly brings light into your life–thats when you’re rich.  I don’t live to work. I don’t live for social media. This blog is about as active as i get when it comes to computers. If you’ve seen my facebook/instagram you’ll see that its shocking how bad i am at keeping up with it. Truth be told i’d rather be outside. You know. Where we all should be.
I’ll keep drifting from place to place, from job to job and leaving a trace of highly entertained onlookers.

And that is the end of my semi margarita infused blog post.

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Shorty, a very large sweet boy, snoozing in the snow and loving the afternoon sun.
Mac and his icy whiskers
Ruby and i.
Na na na na naa!
My new BearPaw snow boots — incredible! (No, i havent been paid to say that, they really are good !)

“The earth is mostly just a boneyard. But pretty in the sunlight.”

the secret kept by mountains

“We dont see things as they are, we see them as we are,” and its so true. It was thanksgiving last week and instead of sitting at a table eating semi-dry turkey we packed up our car and drove due North — to the mountains. Some of you may have seen an update on my insta-story. I’m not really one for holidays apart from Christmas and i’m terrible with dates, to me it was just another day. The further north we went the more the winter caved in on us like a light fog. The roads started to bristle with ice and the trees sprinkled flakes as we drove. Winter is my favourite time of year; i love warm sweaters, knitted blankets, cuddling with Basil on the sofa and any excuse to wear my big snow boots — i’ll take it!

It was around lunch time so it had already started to get dark but the lighting was perfect for photography even the evening was on pointe; warm and softening — my favourite light to work with but unfortunately i don’t get out as much as i’d like to take pictures. I’m glad that i did, my excitement for photographic art was renewed and working with my camera was rewarding.
In short it was a perfect day with perfect company.

Sometimes we need small things to remind us why we work so hard everyday, why we do what we need to so we can do the things that make us happy and make every day a little more special. Photographing my drifting and travels is a huge part of my life (though i sometimes try to deny it when i get frustrated), but sadly sometimes i neglect it because its hard to afford consistent upgrading of equipment and i also work too much. At least too much to go out and take pictures as much as i’d like.

We drove the Kangamangus highway. We were told it was beautiful in the fall, but no — its at its most beautiful in the winter. No body else was up there and miles of forest/mountain road a head of us. We stopped wherever we wanted and Basil was able to explore without disturbance.

Deep in the forest of the mountains was a secret kept only by mountains and trolls… a quiet lake lined in trees and hidden under a thick sheet of ice — completely forgotten as all the tourists and geese had travelled to warmer states. There it was in the winter sun with three playing ducks bathing in the only pool of water left unfrozen. Animals nickered, scratched, squeaked and scarpered. And that warm light i told you about started to die.

the secret kept by mountains

fear not the forest troll


“It is in the forest that we find we can live amongst the trolls and that it is modern life that we should fear.”

I grew up respecting the forests — i knew they could be dangerous. Children go missing in the forest. Bears. Wolves. Scary things can appear as if from nowhere and it is in the silence where only your fear will breathe.
But now that i live in an apartment, not necessarily far from the countryside but far from the freedom that it provides — i realise that it is not the troll i fear anymore. Its the modern world, built up cities & technology.. a fear of never knowing whether to return to Scandinavia (even though i miss it everyday). Thankfully i don’t live online and i don’t consider my mobile an extra limb, nevertheless i’m still out of tune. I’ve never been a city kid — i was born in Southern Denmark out by the fields and the cold, in the summer no less but i’m a snow baby at heart. A wild child that wandered out from the warm moss of the forest and i hope soon to be back where im strongest; In the middle of nowhere where it’s quiet, and beautiful and the old world still lives.

Its a weird day today — i’m not sure where i want to be, where i need to go or what to do. I’ve lived so many places and that makes it difficult to decide where to go from here.

For now, i will go to Ikea and get my Scandi fix of familiar foods and other goodies.

trolls
Hej du. 

a lighthouse and the mountain

Four days from Halloween, and the weather is perfect. The sky is blue and clear, the wind is brisk and there is a longed-for chil — finally. I might regret that last statement when theres 10 feet of snow outside and i can’t feel my feet, but for now im happy that summer is finally at an end. Its been dragging this year and i’m desperate to start wearing comfy snow boots and some wooly coats. Also — christmas?!

Today we spent our Saturday exploring Mount Agamenticus with Basil. We were hoping to see some form of wildlife but that idea was busted when a huge family decided to give their 30 kids a set of whistles as party favours. Fantastic parenting and consideration for others. Everyone on the mountain that wasn’t invited to said party had a pretty lousy experience. The noise decimated all hope of wildlife, and in general ruined the ambience of such a pretty place.

mountain
Thankfully i still managed to get a couple of shots without the millions of screaming children in the trees and on the cliff sides. Its not the tallest mountain — and it doesn’t have to be (its elevation is only 692′) . Its a beautiful reservation and habitat for wildlife — something our world is beginning to lack i might add. I worked on a few boats my first few years living in New England, where i’d seen the small mountain on the horizon when we were returning to Portsmouth. They say its a “noted landmark for sailors,” which it was to me before it ever became known as “Mount Agamenticus.” So it was special to finally get up there and see it from the other side. Mountain to the sea and vice versa.

lighthouse and the mountain

After we were good and tuckered out from the mountain we took a leisurely drive and ended up at the Nubble Lighthouse. I personally would love to live like this — being the antisocial hermit that i am. Its a beautiful little island separated from the mainland by a watery grave. Your own little world just outside of everyone else’s — i mean what could be more perfect?
Signalling ships + piece and quiet = one happy camper.

Bet its cold as balls in the winter mind you.

the lighthouse

on top of the world

I was on top of the world once.
Still, as i scurry around the earth looking for my place, there are unexpected wonders on every corner. Those wonders that make every day a little easier and those that show you how unimportant your problems are. Some days are hard, when i look out at a country i don’t recognise as my own and i listen to languages that aren’t comforting, but nature is universal. The wind kisses me where ever i am and for that, i am grateful. For now, if i have no hope in my ever anxious mind, i know i will at least have the wind in my spirits.


littlemrs.flynn