the hardest thing on earth

“The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters”

The most beautiful truth — choosing what matters. We all had dreams when we were young, and even still nothing has or may ever become of them. I wanted to be a runner and i’m not talking for want of a gold medal or world renown fame in the olympics. No. I’m talking Forest Gump running. My little heart wanted to race as far as my even smaller legs could take me. It didn’t matter where or how: Its just what i wanted. To this day i’m a great runner but due to snapping ankles that dream can never truly “be.” You know what? Thats just fine. That doesn’t mean the dream is gone but Its life. Now I have created a life that has taken me to places i thought i’d never reach, never could dream of or ever dared to think i’d go to. I don’t aspire for a certain career or job. I try to spend every day doing something i enjoy. I work jobs that i dreamed of having as a child. Sometimes i pick up horse shit — its worth every minute as i get lots of cuddles, become more understanding and have horse snot all over me on a constant basis ( what a bonus!) Other days i write and write and write and write etc.. Sometimes i act, other times i’m a photographer. I’m very lucky and everyday i realise that a little more. I’m thankful for what i have and what i do.

This last year or so i’ve really starting pursuing things i want to do in life. A dream is to have a ranch of my own with a couple of horses, maybe sheep or goats and some form of feathery egg laying bird (no rooster because they don’t usually like me). If i’m feeling really crazy, i am, i’d love to have a big old honorary long horn. I’d love to have acres of land that i can ride out on, camp and live free. I’ve been working on farms as much as i can, getting to be around horses again and working on the ground work/care/riding . Meeting some lovely people with the same interest who i can learn from  + who are willing to show me the ropes. I used to be around horses a lot when i was younger but then i got busy with school, theatre, writing and then travelling — so i had to build that part of my life again. Its hard because i have to start over, but i’m glad im clever enough to want to learn it again.

Ultimately I choose life; and living it to the absolute full. I may never be the rider i want to be but i’ll happily spend my days trying to get there, putting in the hours, the money when i have it; at the end i can smile and say i gave it my damnedest. Finding the small things to be happy about in life is easy when you life for yourself. When you try to focus one what truly brings light into your life–thats when you’re rich.  I don’t live to work. I don’t live for social media. This blog is about as active as i get when it comes to computers. If you’ve seen my facebook/instagram you’ll see that its shocking how bad i am at keeping up with it. Truth be told i’d rather be outside. You know. Where we all should be.
I’ll keep drifting from place to place, from job to job and leaving a trace of highly entertained onlookers.

And that is the end of my semi margarita infused blog post.

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Shorty, a very large sweet boy, snoozing in the snow and loving the afternoon sun.
Mac and his icy whiskers
Ruby and i.
Na na na na naa!
My new BearPaw snow boots — incredible! (No, i havent been paid to say that, they really are good !)

“The earth is mostly just a boneyard. But pretty in the sunlight.”

the secret kept by mountains

“We dont see things as they are, we see them as we are,” and its so true. It was thanksgiving last week and instead of sitting at a table eating semi-dry turkey we packed up our car and drove due North — to the mountains. Some of you may have seen an update on my insta-story. I’m not really one for holidays apart from Christmas and i’m terrible with dates, to me it was just another day. The further north we went the more the winter caved in on us like a light fog. The roads started to bristle with ice and the trees sprinkled flakes as we drove. Winter is my favourite time of year; i love warm sweaters, knitted blankets, cuddling with Basil on the sofa and any excuse to wear my big snow boots — i’ll take it!

It was around lunch time so it had already started to get dark but the lighting was perfect for photography even the evening was on pointe; warm and softening — my favourite light to work with but unfortunately i don’t get out as much as i’d like to take pictures. I’m glad that i did, my excitement for photographic art was renewed and working with my camera was rewarding.
In short it was a perfect day with perfect company.

Sometimes we need small things to remind us why we work so hard everyday, why we do what we need to so we can do the things that make us happy and make every day a little more special. Photographing my drifting and travels is a huge part of my life (though i sometimes try to deny it when i get frustrated), but sadly sometimes i neglect it because its hard to afford consistent upgrading of equipment and i also work too much. At least too much to go out and take pictures as much as i’d like.

We drove the Kangamangus highway. We were told it was beautiful in the fall, but no — its at its most beautiful in the winter. No body else was up there and miles of forest/mountain road a head of us. We stopped wherever we wanted and Basil was able to explore without disturbance.

Deep in the forest of the mountains was a secret kept only by mountains and trolls… a quiet lake lined in trees and hidden under a thick sheet of ice — completely forgotten as all the tourists and geese had travelled to warmer states. There it was in the winter sun with three playing ducks bathing in the only pool of water left unfrozen. Animals nickered, scratched, squeaked and scarpered. And that warm light i told you about started to die.

the secret kept by mountains