my sad old thoughts

Hello!
Its one of those nights where i find myself reminiscing and looking back at where i’ve been. If i were given the chance i would still be an avid sailor, but sadly thats not how my life is panning out — at least right now. And it sure as hell wont if i live in the panhandle of Texas one day. But i made it happen at one point in my life because it was something i desperately wanted for myself — i needed it. I got my certificates and i can read a chart like a boss. Through sailing i found freedom and a best friend. So, even though it maybe now be years ago… i never shall forget, how precious those moments will forever be to me. When Pat is long gone — how precious he is and will always be to me.
Realistically, i don’t know when i will ever get back to England. The prices go up and up for plane tickets.
And i’ll be honest. My heart aches at the thought that i may never see my old shipmate again. It would be a blow that will wound me for the rest of my life, but i also know it’s very likely. If it happens, which given the distance and how years roll on without us, it probably will. Just as my family will slowly disappear from my mind as quickly as they will from my life.
There is a truth they never tell you about moving away from home to an entirely different world. 4000miles may as well be a million miles. A skype call can’t fix loneliness — it can only cover the wound for a few minutes.

I just put a favourite old clip to a song we really loved to sing to. It was a beautiful sun down and we were in the middle of the islands in the Bristol Channel. Over the waters where we raced, danced to sea shanties and laughed. Just me, Pat and the boat that sailed us anywhere. There have been many nights, many trips but i’ll always wish for at least one more. Many stories about pirates and treasure, Nelson and the Victory. So many stories since that go somewhat unshared.
I like to make little clips of my life to remind myself that i HAVE lived. I HAVE been there and i HAVE done that. And its ok to be where i am now, even if its hard to see whats in store for me. I know a lot of us probably worry about where we should be and what needs to be done by certain ages. I battle with it often, and its hard having moved from country to country and feeling REALLY “behind.” Where we are now, is where we need to be. No matter how challenging or painful. How beautiful and magic. The important thing is we are living and we can change anything and everything — we just have to dream it, and make it happen.

After all, as Walt Disney said, “if you can dream it, you can do it.”
And we can most definitely do it. Can’t we?

 

slow thursdays

Hello everyone!
Its been a slow Thursday but somehow i’ve managed to be really productive. I went to the gym almost as soon as i woke up something that usually takes me a few hours to get up and do. I also managed to get the maintenance men to come and check out our washing machine which has turned into the spawn of satan. Other than that i’ve I’ve been knitting and making danish pancakes. Because i’ve had a hankering for them for weeks now. They’re so easy to make and they’re so tasty. Sadly i ruined the first 6 because the pan was being annoying, however — the end result with vanilla ice cream was on pointe. Craving well and truly fed.

I got a package from denmark full of danish sweets and yarn!!! <3 This made me so stupidly happy.
im really excited about this pattern — this jumper might end up on my etsy, but it depends on how much i fall in love with it. Haha!
moss socks in alpaca wool.
im using some vanilla sugar i made during christmas time from the vanilla beans i needed for risalamande. I now how an unhealthy relationship with vanilla sugar.





hide paintings

Good evening everyone — i was in the mood to blog this evening, so i’m just writing a short post.
I’ve started playing around with hide paintings inspired by my viking ancestors and american indians. It’s something i’ve always been interested in and i finally got around to trying it. Something i will definitely continue with. I love cave paintings, petroglyphs and pictographs — so i’d like to try to write small stories this way.
Here is my first attempt. A “buffalo” and viking runes.
Did you know that Denmark has a bison herd?

novels, 100 subscribers & future plans

Well it’s that time of year again where people become greedy and start really getting in my way in the grocery shop, vexing me to no bloody end. Why must you stop right at the f**king exit? I will go through you and you will roll like a bowling pin.
Happy Fecking Christmas everybody.


Christmas is probably my favourite time of the year, because i get to whack out all my danish Christmas decorations and i can pretend i’m home in Denmark; that my family are just down the road.
So far i feel so very productive. I reached my g0al of 100 subscribers on youtube, which i set for myself last month. It was something that i wanted to accomplish before the end of 2018.  I’m so glad that you all enjoyed my first vlog, it was a lot of fun to try and i’m planning my next one. I was going to film it last Friday but ended up working that day. So next week hopefully!
And those of you who follow me on instagram know that i just finished writing a short novel i’ve been working on for about a 1.5 years. It’s such a bizarre feeling that i’m finished telling that story, it sucks that its a little too short to be a stand alone novel but i’ve decided to write a collection of short stories instead. And that’s really exciting! ( i was always told by teachers not to start sentences with “and” but fuck it, i like to live dangerously.)
The fact that i’m done with a story means i desperately want to publish it right this minute, however, i don’t want to rush this kind of project. Bearing my heart in those pages means i have to do it right, even if that means waiting till other stories are finished being told.

Sadly all the snow has decided to melt even though its cold as balls outside, boo! So filming has been put off for The Outlaw and the Ranger till the snow returns — which it will, i will finish this project before we leave, by god! Until then we’re fixing the behind the scene works and the tech, thats just as important as the acting itself. Equipment is being sorted, music written, wardrobe situated and script writing.  I’d be lying if i said this wasn’t part of the dream. It is. Jack and i are actors, this is what we do best. I’ve tried acting in the USA in random places and so far  — well thats a whole other blog post that i’ll write one day.
Anyway, this is what we do.
I can’t wait till we can get more actors on board for future work when we have our own land in Texas, but for right now its just us and the music man. This will help us figure out the kinks and get the basics down on what we want to do and become. We’ve even started discussing names for the eventual company we’d like to start, its all in the works. It’ll be hard and we’ll get knocked back, but it’s all learning and living.
I will say its quite hard to balance everything, but i’m enjoying the process of finding out.


“Little by little, the look of the land changes by the men we admire.”
― Larry McMurtry.🌿