So i’ve spent hours writing a blog post for today that ended up just not being quite right or what i wanted, so it’ll have to wait for another day when the sun shines a little brighter and my mind is in the right place. I think the issue is that recently i’ve felt uncommonly discouraged. I don’t know what i want and maybe i don’t have to. It feels like everything is a little tougher even though nothing has gone wrong but nothing has been right either.
It’s the January blues in April.
I’ve spent almost my entire day writing, as i should be spending everyday, maybe not on the projects that needed it but a start is a start. I’ll take it. I’m hoping i can finish reading my current book Rhino Ranch too — if you want to write you have to read, because what other way to learn & improve is there? Jack is constantly encouraging me to try the “Stephen King” method of writing for 4 hours and reading for 4 hours. I’m going to give it a bash, and if i dont have the time i’ll do my damnedest to make time.
Today was not successful because i’ve been writing for about 3 hours and only some of it was on my novel, the rest i’ve been messing about with social media but im close to giving up on that front. I’m shit at it. Can’t figure it. Can’t make it work.
Writing is hard because my mind feels like ” i should be doing something more/with faster results (if you please)” but how can you finish a book without writing it? You can’t. And i for one have a very complicated way inspiring myself and feeling what i’m writing (this will be a blogpost soon so till then).
So thats what i do. When i’m not out on an adventure or travelling i’m usually sat here. Writing. Or watching terrible paranormal programs because not everyday can be a day of happening. Thats something i have to realise. Not every day can be seized the way you had planned, and its ok. Behind the social media facade is someone working hard. Hustling day by day and dreaming up new ideas every night.
I carry notebooks with me everywhere just as i carry my camera(s) wherever i go. Often i see it as a burden because you’re never off. You don’t stop. If theres a great shot you’ll want to take it. And thus nice day out to the local harbour can suddenly become a job, but such is the life of a creative. That need to create never stops and thats the the beauty of it. You will never stop seeing the things you see that make you special, and the fact that you’re willing to share such a thing. Is poetic.
You do what you do in hopes of sharing a vision, a sound or something else with people who otherwise just live without art day to day. Almost as if you want them to see the world as you do. Though they may never, you wont stop trying. Because if we stop trying, then what do we have?
A bunch of dead dreamers.
I grew up respecting the forests — i knew they could be dangerous. Children go missing in the forest. Bears. Wolves. Scary things can appear as if from nowhere and it is in the silence where only your fear will breathe.
But now that i live in an apartment, not necessarily far from the countryside but far from the freedom that it provides — i realise that it is not the troll i fear anymore. Its the modern world, built up cities & technology.. a fear of never knowing whether to return to Scandinavia (even though i miss it everyday). Thankfully i don’t live online and i don’t consider my mobile an extra limb, nevertheless i’m still out of tune. I’ve never been a city kid — i was born in Southern Denmark out by the fields and the cold, in the summer no less but i’m a snow baby at heart. A wild child that wandered out from the warm moss of the forest and i hope soon to be back where im strongest; In the middle of nowhere where it’s quiet, and beautiful and the old world still lives.
Its a weird day today — i’m not sure where i want to be, where i need to go or what to do. I’ve lived so many places and that makes it difficult to decide where to go from here.
For now, i will go to Ikea and get my Scandi fix of familiar foods and other goodies.