the hardest thing on earth

“The hardest thing on earth is choosing what matters”

The most beautiful truth — choosing what matters. We all had dreams when we were young, and even still nothing has or may ever become of them. I wanted to be a runner and i’m not talking for want of a gold medal or world renown fame in the olympics. No. I’m talking Forest Gump running. My little heart wanted to race as far as my even smaller legs could take me. It didn’t matter where or how: Its just what i wanted. To this day i’m a great runner but due to snapping ankles that dream can never truly “be.” You know what? Thats just fine. That doesn’t mean the dream is gone but Its life. Now I have created a life that has taken me to places i thought i’d never reach, never could dream of or ever dared to think i’d go to. I don’t aspire for a certain career or job. I try to spend every day doing something i enjoy. I work jobs that i dreamed of having as a child. Sometimes i pick up horse shit — its worth every minute as i get lots of cuddles, become more understanding and have horse snot all over me on a constant basis ( what a bonus!) Other days i write and write and write and write etc.. Sometimes i act, other times i’m a photographer. I’m very lucky and everyday i realise that a little more. I’m thankful for what i have and what i do.

This last year or so i’ve really starting pursuing things i want to do in life. A dream is to have a ranch of my own with a couple of horses, maybe sheep or goats and some form of feathery egg laying bird (no rooster because they don’t usually like me). If i’m feeling really crazy, i am, i’d love to have a big old honorary long horn. I’d love to have acres of land that i can ride out on, camp and live free. I’ve been working on farms as much as i can, getting to be around horses again and working on the ground work/care/riding . Meeting some lovely people with the same interest who i can learn from  + who are willing to show me the ropes. I used to be around horses a lot when i was younger but then i got busy with school, theatre, writing and then travelling — so i had to build that part of my life again. Its hard because i have to start over, but i’m glad im clever enough to want to learn it again.

Ultimately I choose life; and living it to the absolute full. I may never be the rider i want to be but i’ll happily spend my days trying to get there, putting in the hours, the money when i have it; at the end i can smile and say i gave it my damnedest. Finding the small things to be happy about in life is easy when you life for yourself. When you try to focus one what truly brings light into your life–thats when you’re rich.  I don’t live to work. I don’t live for social media. This blog is about as active as i get when it comes to computers. If you’ve seen my facebook/instagram you’ll see that its shocking how bad i am at keeping up with it. Truth be told i’d rather be outside. You know. Where we all should be.
I’ll keep drifting from place to place, from job to job and leaving a trace of highly entertained onlookers.

And that is the end of my semi margarita infused blog post.

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Shorty, a very large sweet boy, snoozing in the snow and loving the afternoon sun.
Mac and his icy whiskers
Ruby and i.
Na na na na naa!
My new BearPaw snow boots — incredible! (No, i havent been paid to say that, they really are good !)

“The earth is mostly just a boneyard. But pretty in the sunlight.”

i’ve got a jar of lone star

Everyone has different ways of coping with homesickness. Some people write about it, others embrace it.. but me? I carry a jar of dirt with me, yup — thats right. Texas dirt. Texas is the first place away from Denmark that i’ve ever felt at home or like i could stay there for the rest of my life; as a drifter thats saying a whole lot. I haven’t opened the jar since we left almost three years ago, the ground inside is from our little piece of land on the outskirts of town, the leaf was the first that fell and the empty bullet well thats another story.  My little jar of Lone Star sits by my bedside and comforts me when the days get too long. I think back to that brick house where the coyotes used to gather like fruit flies, where i ended up showering with a lizard and an angry scorpion consistently hid in my boots.

When night fell over Gazebo street our backyard became a fair ground of playing stars dancing for the limelight. We’d stand and watch them roll, shoot and shine for hours whilst the mosquitoes bled us dry. It was worth every minute.
I remember one evening when summer was turning to autumn. We slept with the window open. Around 4.30am i heard a high pitched eerie howl as beautiful as ever it could be. Outside my window was a lone coyote, right outside. I didn’t dare look but i could smell her breathing and i sure as hell could hear her singing. The wind was almost cool and soothing — rare for South East Texas.  In the distance a whole band of coy dogs began to yip and yawh, so my friend of the night disappeared into the brush. I will never forget that early morning, and though i was too freaked out to look through the dark for her, it is one of my fondest memories. I have a soft spot for coyotes and wolves, for farmers and ranchers they’re little devils, but to me they’re like me. Drifting from place to place and part of the pack.
My pack amounts to three, and thats how it should be.
So there on my bedside table is my comforting jar of dirt that wakes a memory or two.

the dark wood

I shot this while on a walk with my sister  in the woods. When i was planning my trip to the fatherland there were a few things i wanted to  experienced. One – Snow! Two – Christmas Hygge with my family and three – to visit the forest. Im happy to say now that i completed all three and more! As a child i always remembered the forest as being a beautiful magical place where dreams hide in the streams of sunlight and trolls chewing stones hiding out of sight. If it hadn’t been balls cold outside i would have seriously considered going to sleep on the bed of moss nature so kindly provided. The forest provided a peace i haven’t felt in a long time. All turmoil and stress disappeared — helping me realise what i want in life and that i’m doing good on my road to somewhere.
I’m not behind – i’ve always chosen a different road to everyone else because that makes life interesting, and whilst i’ll always feel a little old thats the price i have to pay for the wisdom. I’m kinda ok with that — thats a card i’ve been dealt in life since the beginning.
I moved to Texas (so far from everything i’ve ever known) as a 19 year old, and i’ve gone further since then. I’d be lying if i said i hadn’t been somewhat procrastinating with certain things like my photography and writing, but this year i’ve been slowly turning it around.
My camera goes everywhere with me, as does my moleskin note books and i have myself for company so theres always entertainment readily available.
In all seriousness though, moving around the USA with a man that totally makes waking up every day worth while has changed my life. All i know now is that i have to do what i’m good at and whilst not all of those things will make money — thats ok, they don’t have to.
It’ll make me happy and thats important.
That day being with my sister in the back end of nowhere Denmark, was my epiphany — my realisation that everything, though sometimes terribly hard, will be ok.
Goodbye to a year of utter grief, hardship, old bras and success.
And hello 2018.

I wish you all the best in 2018 — don’t make resolutions, make changes that make you happy. 
You won’t always have a tomorrow. 

the dark wood

a visitor of yarn-y proportions

In the mornings i work at a lovely horse farm down the road, with lovely friendly people and super sweet horses. I’ve always said i could never work at a desk or behind a screen because it would drive me crazy; i need to work with my hands and my body (by that i mean acting and no prostitution just to clarify). So farm work is right up my alley — plus i love everything horse/animal related. So as im going about my daily business i get a visitor of yarn-y proportions sneaking into my stall.

a visitor of yarn-y proportions

He is the sweetest most affection sheep i have ever met in my life! And now i obviously need one in my life. I’ve worked a lot of farms and every single one has had sheep, but never-nibbling-your-shirt-&-kitty-head-butting sheep that desperately wanted affection. My heart……


For a long time i’ve wanted my own land with my own animals — unfortunately for me and my wallet the list is continuously getting longer. So next to the two longhorns, several cats, dogs and horses i now need a sheep or two.

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Theres nothing quite like living with animals in the world — they’re so upfront and honest; not to mention full of personality. Im grateful i get to spend so much of my time with them because i relate more to them than people. The unspoken respect and knowing. Yes, i’m a very happy with my mucky boots and dirty jeans if it means i get to horse around. And come on, how cute is he ? His wool was super soft too and i was thinking if i had my own sheep i’d get to spin my own yarn. But that is another dream for another day.