semi-tender age of 26


I’m still desperately in love, and I’ve been lucky to be so utterly and truly happy. So much so that I’ve developed a smile line at the semi-tender age of 26. Probably also the only line in my face to date and one I wear so damn proudly (apart from the perplexed hook I also sport above my left eye from being so truly flabbergasted at the youth of today, as well as the many impressions and funny faces I’ve pulled). However, In that smile line are the moments the three of us have laughed, travelled and completely lived. Happy memories. Many sunbeams. 5 Star jokes from me and the dad jokes from Jack, Basil pretending he’s not paying attention. Yes, though I am so deeply lost these days. Having lost my beautiful Basil and a sweet souled relative of mine whom I loved dearly in the same month, after not having been able to cope with the loss of my Grand father from last year — today I can say that though I may not be entirely happy or without ill feeling, I can say that I can see the possibility of living on from now. And that’s all I have. Though I am so tired from lack of sleeping, sore from weeping and have lost about 15lbs. Its been a heavy couple of blog posts recently and i’m not sorry for that. Life is not sunshine and rainbows, and we don’t pussyfoot here on my blog. We say it as it is because other wise it’s not worth saying at all.

I only smile like this at the thought of pizza, which I’m going to persuade Jack to buy tonight. Pizza with bacon. Also posting this so my mum knows I’m not hanging from a rafter somewhere. 

i’m not dead — just dormant.

Finally — colder weather has bloomed in New England and i’m really excited for real sweater weather start. I like summer but it gets boring really quickly. Most of my clothes are for cold weather.
The stars are so much brighter when its cold, and i look forward to getting some really pretty astro-shots.
I know I’ve been really bad at blogging recently but so much has been going on and i have to have space for real life. Even when real life is a little crappy.
Isn’t it always the lay of the land — that as soon as one part of your life goes well another part turns to stone?

Thankfully though now everything is starting to settle down. I’ve started another new job — an office job that i actually enjoy. Considering i thought i’d feel like a caged animal in an office, i think its going well. Never say never.
I left the other new job after a week because it was the epitome of terrible. Working in the food industry usually is but i’ve never experienced insanity on this scale.
Lets just say i had a plate thrown at my head, i lost 5lbs in a week and i was given no training and basically working as a chef. I applied to be dishwasher because i just wanted some extra cash in my pocket. If i wanted to work in an insane asylum i would’ve booked myself into one. I’ve never worked a job that was so awful i had to leave after a week, its a little embarassing if it wasn’t so bat shit insane. However for my mind and my pride, i had to quit. Nothing is worth mental torture. No amount of money is worth my soul.

But as i said, its settling down. I’ve got a great new job, the one i was hoping to get out of the three i applied/interviewed for. I actually got all three jobs but obviously chose the one i wanted most and thank goodness it came along or who knows what would have happened.
Other than that i’m getting a lot of use out of my new camera — i’m hoping to get some time this week to post some of the photos i’ve taken but we will see and i’ve almost completed my first long “short story”/novel.

So things are moving forward.
At long last.