things i want to do in 2020

I’m pretty late to the 2020 game. February is fast approaching with her fake hearts and candy love; yet only now am I making a post about things I’d like to do in the year of someone’s lord 2020.

– Well, first off, and I suppose it’s always at the top of my list, I’d like to get back to Texas. There are many reasons. I think mostly I want to go back because I hope it makes me feel closer to Basil somehow. Like a homecoming. That sounds a little far-fetched but that’s as good a reason as any. Also because we love Texas and know how it works. It was the first place I’d ever truly felt at home aside from Denmark when I was young and dumb. I don’t regret moving, but I’ll be ecstatic to go back again. I’m gonna eat so much damn Whataburger, the best burger place around! Not that I don’t love Wyoming because I do, but there are some issues that unfortunately can’t be fixed.

– This one I suppose is relatively obvious. I’d like to succeed on the Horseshoeing course down in Cheyenne. I think it’ll be a hard go.. packed into two weeks but I think it’s going to be some sort of game changer for me. If all goes well I’ll be applying for a longer, more in depth, course in Texas. So I’d like to start making a little piggy bank for that as soon as I’m able.

– Not to sound superficial but there are a few technology things I’d like to purchase for photography obviously, filming and so forth. I won’t bother to list them because that’s a whole other post I reckon. There’s at least 3 new lenses I’d like but as of yet I am not made of money; only bacon, Dr.Pepper and granny smith apples.

– Every year I try to read around 100 books. The last year or so I utterly failed. I’ve let a lot of things go and unfortunately reading was one of them. However, this year I’m setting a goal to read 15 books at least but hopefully I’ll get to at least 30. I’m a firm believer that you have to read in order to write, and of course I’m not the first. Lately I’d run totally dry at the well. I couldn’t write a single word, let alone stitch them together and make a picture. The very day I began reading a book – my brain went into over drive and now I can’t keep from writing what so ever. I woke up around 5am this morning and wrote down a story of notes I’d dreamt up. It sucks to wake up but damn I had a great idea!

– I’d love to publish my Novel. I’ve been working incredibly hard on it for so long and I’m ready to let it go out into the world, taking me by the hand. I’d also like to sort out my poetry and little short stories for another publishing project. That one I think is a littler simpler and can be achieved now if I tried enough. Nevertheless – it’s the novel that is my concern and my every waking thought. So that one has to come first.

– A passion of mine, though I have so little time for it, is filming. I prefer filming to taking pictures. I feel the only pictures I’m good at are self-portraits and no one wants to admit that, let’s be honest. I’m not a narcissist – I definitely don’t do it out of love for myself, because I definitely lack that. I just have this troubled relationship with myself that I find my own portraits interesting even if I don’t like them. If that makes any sense at all, but we are all our own worst critics are we not? I’d love to ultimately have my own little company and create mini-westerns on our land… That we’ll have one day. Youtube goes hand in hand with that. I’d like to use the platform more, but I’m just always lacking the time. I haven’t even really started to look at my footage from Denmark, because it’s already over whelming. Working full time is a damn nuisance when it isn’t a job you bleed for. I’d love to do a short continuous vlog but I don’t really feel I have enough to discuss or, again, the time. I don’t really know what people would find interesting about my life, I don’t see as that interesting myself.

– I’d like to get an exercise bike. I don’t plan on being some stick with a crooked neck, I’m a curvy kid with hips from here to somewhere in China. No. I want an exercise bike to have at home because the more I exercise the happier I become. My depression is not well kept secret, no point — it’s as much a part of me as a single word, but I can handle the son of a bitch a lot better when I’m working out once a day. I’ve gone for runs here in Wyoming on the not so cold days but my lungs have been plaguing me something awful, so that’s not much of an option. I will not pay $399 for a membership at the university because fuck that noise. I’d consider going to the local gym… If I didn’t know for a fact that everyone at work goes there. Where is the fun in that then? I may as well go to work and run around the building like a crazy person. I LOVE working out, but I want to do it as a stranger and preferably alone (Jack doesn’t count). I also naturally eat better when I work out because I don’t want to undo my hard work. Does that make any sense?

– Simple. I’d like to see my mum. No pussy footing around that one. I miss her terribly and I love her company. It plagued me something awful how much I wished I could hug her more when I was home, but cruelties in life have led to me being very uncomfortable being touched or showing affection to people. Jack, again, is an exception. I remember just trying to WILL myself to go and hug my mum because I’d regret if I didn’t. I do regret it now but I’m a damn mountain when I want to be.

– And finally, the sore subject. I’d like to get a dog. Saying it out loud is hard and thinking it makes me feel like some evil witch with a hook for a nose. A life without animals is a sad one. I will never be able to replace Basil, and I’d never try. It cannot be done. But I also can’t sit and wait to die just to be around him again. A new dog won’t blur him from my mind, because he is forever my baby. However, another animal I think would be great for us, and there are SO many dogs desperate for homes in Texas alone…I’d like another beagle, but I can’t do that. It’d feel too much like a betrayal. I will be setting out for a hound of some kind though however, like a Basset Hound. I’d love a Basset. I feel bad how short their legs are, and that concerns me, however if there’s one in a shelter – I want it.

And there you go.
What are some of your wishes for 2020? ♡

Tomboy in a skirt
Madame Lady-Like

hygge dag

I haven’t done much. We visited a few places and took a few days for ourselves in Fyn. We have been driving back and forth to Kolding to visit my family which has been really nice, but its exhausting after a full day.

Girl in back seat

Mormor always has tasty Danish food that i’ve missed, while Morfar tells stories about liars and thieves.

Driving in a car

Farmor baked 5 separate types of christmas cookies for us and always has a funny story to tell about her day to day activities.

Book

Jack and Franck had some Julebryg. I pretty much stuffed my damn face with chocolates and cola and ryebread sandwiches, and as much bacon as possible when its provided. And i always leave mormor and morfars house with some kind of book.

Danish julebryg

It is nice to be home when its relaxed and quiet, i dont like the holiday season much because of the partying. I prefer everyone to just be in regular spirits.

Table full of treats

I dont think im going to get the chance to do my vlog like i wanted. Ive been busy and/or tired so i’ll have to do it when i get home if i ever have a day off. But i’ve still been filming as much as i can regardless. I hope my footage and pictures turn out well!

Photo of girl on camera

Oh!

And Happy New year!

time or energy

It’s been a little chaotic here lately and as a result i haven’t found the time or energy to write. Denmark is close approaching and i’m excited to be home, im sure you can imagine. Home has been long gone to me for about a year and a half or more. I can’t wait to eat food that i adore, to walk the familiar cobbled streets and walk through thick forests with moss beds as soft as a kings belly. Not many days go by when my brain doesn’t wander home to the Jylland Peninsula and think “what if?”

I love Wyoming and i love Texas, i don’t think Denmark will be where i settle any time soon. Having said that this next holiday will be a good test to see how well we’d like it. Considering we don’t have Basil to come home to we can be gone a little longer, but i’d rather have him and have a short holiday, but life is as life does.

cowgirl in a snowstorm
beaver hat made in Cheyenne, Wyoming.

The other day Jack and i took a stroll in a snow fall out on the edge of town. I found my new favourite place to take pictures. If my camera hadn’t died i would’ve taken so many more than i did. The light from the ground and the deep red rocks peeping through at the angles that snow can’t settle — it was stunning. The picture above shows how hard the weather here is one my skin. My skin looks torn and strained; from only being out for around 10 minutes when before it was smooth as could be. Prairie winds are brutal and merciless but strangely comforting nonetheless. You can see how raw my lips look too. I really enjoy portraiture — especially the honest kind. I don’t always want to look pretty — but real. No matter the lines or pain you can see. Lauren Bacall once said that your whole life shows in your face and that you should be proud of it. Thats something i try to remember when i look at all these stereotypically cute portrait people have spent hours over editing. I wont do it. Maybe once or twice but mostly not. I love the honesty behind how some of us look and i think the west has grown on my face like a boil. In the summer i’m stunted in freckles and burns, in the winter? My skin has become frozen to my glasses i can’t feel anything because its so cold.

My spirit flies out on the open prairies of the great American West — whether its hot or weather its the apocalypse. Alone out here i can hear the chanting on the wind and the memories of blood shed and fear crying out to be remembered. Somewhere Calamity is swearing in my ear about some son of a bitch that took her whiskey and Bill Cody is considering me for a comedy act on the back of a mule called Two Foot. And deep out in the abyss of snow and sleet is that spirit horse Bowleg, waiting for me to run with him.

I think i’d better get some rest. I’m awfully tired, i don’t feel like i’ve really even had a weekend!
Be gracious to you fellow man, he’s troubled.

find yourself amongst the stones

The snow falls for many months in the winter here, heavier than it would in Denmark and its one of the few things about New England i actually love. Leaving the heavy bustle of apartment living and cities to go through the woods in the snow, is a welcome retreat for me.
Feeling the great spirit of everything around me. The rustling in the woods of the deer, Thor brewing another storm and just being able to truly breathe.
I don’t have my little plot of land with yet, so wilderness is my freedom till that day comes.
As many of you know, you grow older and the hardships start to pile and bring you down to earth where the worms live. The ground is tough in every land and you have to work to make those flowers grow. They may not grow in Texas the way they do in Denmark, but no matter how hard and covered in ice the ground becomes — when the seasons bloom as do the flowers.