a small Q&A during quarantine 2020

Hello everyone!
I hope you’re all doing well and social distancing yourselves as best you can. Its Friday again and i’m relieved to say the least. I can’t wait to have two days completely to myself to do whatsoever i want. This weekend i hope to work on some more novel editing and reading mostly. I’d like to work on camera things like some filming but right now my main priority is my book. I can’t keep putting it off.
A few days ago i asked you to send me questions on my instagram stories. Due to having changed my entire instagram feed to be what i wanted it to be i didn’t get too many responses back — but that works for me. Start small and work your way up, right? This is my first Q&A and i got a lot of the same questions so i picked the top five.

Where & how did you meet Jack?
This is the question i got asked a lot. I met Jack on facebook many years ago. We were both dressing up as pirates and connecting with the pirate community on the platform. I don’t recall whether he added me or i added him, but i do remember coming across his profile several times and thinking he looked like a total dick hole. Sorry handsome, but you know the story. Anyway. We were eventually friends on facebook and one day i posted a photograph of me with my dreads, piercings and summer freckles — to which Jack commented “You sure are pretty.” Back in my younger years i got compliments a lot on my facebook pictures, most of which went completely ignored, but for some reason i responded to Jack and said thank you. And we have been together ever since. We started talking to each other over facebook and then almost a year later he finally managed to persuade me to Skype video call with him. We did that a while. I’d fall asleep in front of the camera and end up snoring like a raped seal, but i stayed up till 5 in the morning my time to speak to him. Depending on the day we talked for almost 12 hours a day, everyday.  Then one day in November, he asked if i’d ever consider coming to Texas. I’d never been interested in America, or going there. I thought it was fall of crazy people, guns and it had been hyped up to something it wasn’t. And i wasn’t wrong, but i wouldn’t change it. So in January i visited Jack in Texas. Shitting myself when i finally reached Houston and realised i was not equipped or prepared because i’m a “live in the moment” type of kid. I was only supposed to stay for two weeks. I stayed my full three month allowance. That was it. Its one of the best and only things i have ever done for myself, truly & 100%.
If you’re interested you can actually watch my video about meeting Jack and coming to America on youtube. I use a lot more words and might make you giggle once or twice.  


What brought you to Wyoming?
To put it bluntly — we wanted to get the hell out of New England. We were hoping for Texas or Nevada, but the Wyoming job got there first. I think now its a little up for debate whether we wished we’d just stayed put a little longer. We like Wyoming — the place. But everything else is nuts and so now we’re waiting for Covid-19 to pass so that we can run back to the safety of Texas where our story started. As i said, we like Wyoming but our jobs have entirely ruined our viewpoint and pretty much infect our living here. There are particular things that don’t work, and when the work situation sucks and its your 8 to 5 — thats a big deal of your life being a fucking health hazard. I wouldn’t change coming to Wyoming — i love the area and the scapes, the horses, the sun and the stars, i’ve accomplished a lot but i’ve also been fucked over tenfold — and its not Texas. And if im not in England or Denmark. It has to be Texas now. I don’t care where in Texas, as long as it isn’t Beaumont. If i had my choice it’d be somewhere near Galveston or there abouts. Far enouhg away to escape a hurricane but close enough to live on my boat for the weekend should i choose to. So i can get back on the water but still have a horse in my yard. I think i’ve mentioned it previously, but what i will give to Wyoming is that it inspired me and got me excited to finish my book. And i did that. Now its time to get the fuck out and find home, where i can have animals again.

Are there moments your wild heart finds peace?
In short. No. I’ll have peace when i’m dead, whenever that may be; but it ain’t today and it ain’t tomorrow. Nevertheless there are things that set my heart racing in good ways. When i write and im just pouring out years of thoughts and pain into a story, its a therapy for me. I actually tested it. My resting heart rate on my fitbit is approximately 50, but when i’m on a writing roll it speeds up to 120 if that tells you anything about living for a feeling. My words spew out at the same speed my heart beats. Thats evidence right there that writing is in the system and part of my journey as much, if not more, than other skills i was born with. My old heart slows down when i’m sailing because that is my happy place, my good and easy haven. But my heart is never at peace, however it finds safety in my creativity some times and thats what i have to hold on to. Life with pretty severe depression is a hard hard battle that never ends, some days are bad and others are worse. But the proof is in the writer and on her thighs and arms. Im still here doing whatever the hell i want. Working to live and keeping the child alive as long as i can.  

What is your latest writing project?
Right now, as you know, im editing the novel. However i’ve started working on my second novel which is a nautical piece i’ve been toying around with since Halloween. I’ve been writing short train of thoughts for a collection of work i’d eventually like to start. I don’t want to only write novels or magazine articles. I’d like to write poetry again or word vomit prose. I used to write a lot comedy skits and plays too — im hoping i can get back to all of those things. Maybe even a short film script here and there.

How is life in the USA and in the countryside?
Life in America is a trail ride. Its so god damn hard sometimes that i lose sight of where im going and forget who i was, and where i came from. It’s rough. Its scary and its sometimes lonely when homesickness kicks in — and it does. A lot. Having said that. I’m very lucky. I wont say that America is the perfect land of opportunity, because many-a time i’ve known it to stop me, but i have genuinely done everything i’ve ever wanted to try since i was a child. And that is a gift not given to many. In fact i don’t know anyone that lives the way i do, always hoping to for-fill another childish dream before i die. I said yes to going to Texas, i listened to my heart when it cried Jack and i have tried to pursue everything with vigour. I’ve ridden in the back end of Texas on a good horse, in Wyoming and New Hampshire to boot. I’ve sailed in England, Denmark, Texas and New Hampshire as much as i could. I’ve been on stage all places and had a camera with me every step of the journey.  I’ve even had chances to work on and off filming projects. And now here i am with a finish book to try and publish. Life is tough but life is a dream. I might not be gods photographer but every part of my life i have in pictures, something inside by my great grandmothers little scrap books she doodled all over as her mind began to disappear with our names. One day when i’m long long gone — there wont be a doubt in anyones mind where i’ve been and the adventurous wild life i had, and all the while being absolutely fucking clinically crazy. So dont let that stop you.

Thank you to those of you who sent questions for this little post and i hope i answered well enough to hold your interest a while. With any luck you enjoyed my answers and this post — you genuinely made it possible. Let me know if you want more Q&A posts. I’m considering doing one every now and again perhaps monthly. Let me know what you think or if you have any questions for the next one!
Have a wonderful weekend and be good.

My mini creative studio by the fire place. Theres actually a little chirpin’ birds nest in our chimney and when the television is out you can hear the little babies peepin’ and weepin’ for food. Its quite comforting.

a little post and an update

The first day of work has long since passed.
And no – it wasn’t as bad as I thought thankfully. Bad experiences, however, can’t help but cause one alarm once in a while and everyone is always bricking it on the first day.

Yesterday we had our first snow and the first flash of bitter cold that won’t compare to the true cold winter has to offer us for however long we stay in Wyoming. I think I could stay but I’d always be wondering what the sea was doing without me and if I was missing out, someplace else.  I can tell that Jack is ready to be home in Texas where the sun is always hot and everything is familiar, I don’t blame him. He’s a hot blooded creature and likes hot blooded places – though I find him quite at home in Denmark too. The man flourishes on burning plains not frozen ones. Having said that he’s a good egg and there’s nothing he can’t tackle . We both enjoy it here immensely, truly,  but there comes a time when the body starts yearning to be where your grave will be planted.
Without a doubt I can definitely relate to that dreadful pining for home though. That has hit me pretty hard lately, it has its moments and its ups and downs. It comes often and then hardly at all.  Such is life sadly. And it goes on — the harshest words in history. Life goes on. Oh what a terrible thing though you’re glad it does in some way.

The best way to describe how I am feeling  – I am tired of being foreign. It’s a fucking hard job to keep up. It’s work. Even going home to Denmark I’m foreign and that is a great pain to me. A heavy weight on my shoulders that already have mountains piled high.

This week I started drivers ed, which is as dull and time consuming as it sounds but it only feels as such due to the copious amounts of free time I now don’t have. I had to cancel all my hours at the antique shop which I really enjoyed, for the whole month because there’s not enough time in the day. Feeling much like a confined animal whose being poked at from all different angles, that’s me lately and I’m ever so tired. This is the realistic life of a traveler. It’s not all hot suns, sandaled feet and perfect pictures for posting. Its bloody noses, falling on ice and the most magical experiences that you don’t always have to share with someone else.

Starting over. New jobs. New places and faces and situations that might not be what you expected. October is already a very stressful month for me. I can’t relax because I want the driving over with because its 45 minutes to the class room, it interferes with my job and my evenings but that’s adulting. 14 hour days and very few hours of sleep. Quite so. And when it’s over I’ll find another blasted thing to bother me because such is the life of me. The class itself is fine – all three hours of it. I can drive alright but it’s the other cars I have an issue with, so.. take that for what it is.

I believe in making the most of everyday though. At work there can be a lot of time where there’s nothing to do, and instead of sitting there reading the comedy of errors that is the news or wasting away of on Facebook – I find free books to read and i always do writing exercises. Every day. For those of you who don’t know… reading is 50% writing and I do it to keep up my creativeness as much as possible and keep my soul from running the fuck away. I stumbled across some wonderful sailing novels that I thoroughly enjoyed and there also happened to be two novels by Jens Peter Jacobsen, a Danish man with a talent for modernism and brimful descriptions. It was well translated, that has to be said, but Danish books (and any foreign book in general) should always be read in their mother tongue. So much is lost in translation and words are changed entirely if there IS no translation.
Having said that, if you’re reading you’re already winning.

And finally…
Christmas is coming and we’ll be spending it in Denmark with all the family. I haven’t been able to spend Christmas at home for many many years now and Denmark is the best place on earth at Christmas time. Believe me.
This Christmas, though a few are missing from the table this year and from beneath it, will be special and annoying and full of laughter and a ridiculous amount of food for a single belly to muster. Really I have had a lot of great things taken care of within only 6 weeks and everything is well, however because I’m on the loopy side of depressive all I can focus on is getting the damn driving over with, so I can have my creative hours back in my every day. I’m sure some of you can relate. If you’re creative and you’re kept from your output – you’re a god damn disaster. A bomb walking around meanly ticking at good people.

Enjoy your Friday night and find the good in your day, 24 hours at a time.