I’m looking forward to going to the barn today, and having some safe and magical quiet moments like this. With everything thats going on — i need them. I hope you’re doing well and stay healthy.
A few Sundays ago i went out with Sarah. We took a trip out to the bottom of Sheep Mountain and sat amongst the wild horses that live there. We pointed and picked out the ones we thought were prettiest, we talked and we took picture after picture. It was supposed to snow and at the lull of that mountain we saw it brewing like an ugly pot of tea with too much old milk.
Suddenly we found ourselves in a curdled barrel of wind and sleet and snow.
I think i did pretty well considering i didn’t actually own a Zoom lens then, so had to make do with the equipment i did have. The zoom lens i want is around $1200, however — i had my eye on a cheap one to use until i can afford to spend a random $1200 from a single paycheck. Well — last week Jack jsut went ahead and surprised me with a little zoom lens and it works great! It does the job it needs too even though its not “top of the range” so to speak, not that that matters of course.
I’m looking forward to giving it a try out there one of these days. Photographing these animals is genuinely a dream come true for me, and i can’t really believe i get to do it on weekends now, and go to the barn and ride during week — working with good folks and learning to train horses. I feel pretty lucky.
It gives me the same feeling when i go sailing, this great surge of passionate inspiration rushing through me, desperately wondering if i wrote it all down and if i remember.
And i do. I always always always remember.
Anyway, It’s Sunday night now — i’m ready to go to bed soon and wake up to do the whole spiel of a work week all over again. I hope you enjoyed some of my wild horse photos from my first trip out to see them in Laramie. Over time i’m hoping to share a little more about my life at home with writing and whatever else. Its something i don’t really do much of because my house doesn’t look how i want it to, so i prefer not to take pictures inside. If that makes any sense? Bad lighting and dark corners and a lot of wooden boards that whole deal. Also, when i’m home i don’t really do much. I’ll knit a sweater or work on a logo for the rescue — maybe take a quick 30 minute yoga session, but nothing really worth pulling out the camera for and snapping a picture of. I thought of perhaps taking pictures of my work station where i do my editing, videos and write. I guess if i fixed it up some it might be worth seeing.
Saturday i spent the afternoon at a Bone Clinic with some friends. A lot of the stuff went well over my head but i was glad to be there anyway and got a little leaflet i could take notes in. I was even lucky to meet the local Barefoot trimmer there, whom i’ve hoping to get some trimming experience from in the near future, i hadn’t met her personally yet so over i waltzed and introduced myself. I’m pretty excited as to what possibilities that might have for me — maybe the farrier course wasn’t meant to be because barefoot trimming sounds more my type of deal. In future i’d still love to do some blacksmithing and forging, but that’ll come with time. With any luck.
Since i started volunteering at the Equine Revival i’ve really been thrown into the horse industry head first, something i don’t quite dare to believe… ever. There are many times i’d wished to be doing what i am now, and now im too scared to think about it incase it gets taken away from me. I don’t want to take a single moment for granted. I’ve been to an Expo, a clinic and been out riding a time or two; not particularly well but i’ll get there. And i only contacted them & gave in my application a little over two or three weeks ago.
Transitioning into REAL western riding on a real western horse, with folks who know what they’re talking about and have done it forever, is pretty daunting for me. I come away every time feeling a bit of a fool, but thanks to their support i keep trying. I’m kinda good with the fact that i can share the journey of learning the cowboy way on my blog this time.
Last time i rode without a saddle as Annie the quarter horse uses the same saddle as Inca, and even that i’m out of practice with. It was a lovely ride though even though i dont neccesarily do a good job — just being able to be horseback makes me happy. When Inca was done riding for the day, away she walked with me — right into Sarahs lap, while she was trying to help someone else. Hahaha. This business is giving me a lot of funny stories and fond memories. Should’ve seen me trying get up on Inca this time, with Sarah giving me a leg up, i must have looked like a little monkey clingy for dear life on a branch unable to jump. Hahahahahaha. As long as they’ll put up with me — i’ll keep trying.
It’s Thursday. A regular Thursday, or perhaps not so regular. As you’ve probably noticed I’ve really been driven to start filming as I go through days and experiences and life troubles. I always felt that the filming was pointless, because it’ll never look as good or as magic as other people’s videos. And then a few days ago I caught myself in the mirror.
My conversation went something like this:
“Bitch what you doing?”
“Nah, I mean with your damn life. You got two cameras in a bag, and you want to use ‘em, yet you don’t because you know someone will always be better? You know what a writer and clever as you are – you are a damn fool.”
“Could we talk about this perhaps at a time where I ain’t in dire need of wiping my ass?”
“It’s the only time you look at yourself in the mirror kid, Look at yourself and do what you want. Quit beating around and making excuses.”
“And open the damn window. Smells like somebody died.”
To begin with the filming was to show family at home that I am here, and that I’m not as far away as it feels. Now it’s becoming a creative out let. When I can’t write. I’ll film. When I can’t Act. I’ll film. And I’ll feel Jack smiling at me whilst I sit and edit on the floor in front of our little space heater. Just like he smiles when I sit playing my bass or slide guitar. Already I feel this filming is taking me to new places and proficiencies. My biggest regret is that I didn’t start it in Texas, when every day was Basil and I talking about everything, talk a foreign walk in dead heat – when things were truly tough but the days were free and beautiful. One thing though, Jack and I are as in love as we’ll ever be, even if we’re missing a piece. A piece that’ll be missing till we one day die too. That’s fine.
As you know I started at this new horse rescue last week, and it all happened like it was meant to be. Everything has been awesome. I’ve been free to film and take pictures. Then today I get a long text message asking me if I would film for them and vlog and help and become a part of something purposeful, something that really means something to me and obviously to me. I about fly down the stairs at work screaming with sheer excitement. That’s something I’d never dared to dream of. How amazing. I truly am so happy right now, today. Tomorrow I might struggle a little again, but that’s how living is. It’s hard, brutal and little drops of hope keep us from dehydration.
Unfortunately due to getting messed up by my job and then other monetary stupidities popping up I’ve had to bail on the farrier class, the one thing I was so desperately looking forward to. One of the main reasons for I came to Wyoming. I haven’t had the heart to email them yet to let them know I’m too damn fucked and too damn poor right now to take the class. Mostly because I don’t want to face it. We often ignore things we can’t bring ourselves to admit. We’re all guilty kids running around lying. I’m very guilty of it and I do it a lot. However, this horse rescue might have my back here. One of the girls, Sarah, has offered to show me what she knows and mentioned knowing someone who is a bare foot trimmer that might need an assistant. You know those people you meet and you just click and things seem good and right? Well I’ve only had that twice or thrice in my life. Jack. Patrick. And my first best friend Jamie Riley — wherever he may be now.
Anyway I’m so over whelmed and humbled. This weekend I’ll actually be taking a trip with the folks at the rescue to Denver, which will be a totally new experience for me. I’ve never been to a horse expo before, but I can’t think of anyone better to go with. Like some hermit crab I actually asked “if I go – I’ll be able to stay with you guys right?”
That’s how un-used to people I am these days. How unfamiliar I’ve become with how things work. It’s a little pathetic, but I mention it because this is what it’s like moving to new countries. You don’t know what will ridicule you or embarrass you. Jack is the safety blanket I’m very reluctant to let go of incase I get lost. He’s also the one telling me, “You need to go.”
So damn it. This weekend I’m going to Denver… with what people call friends. I cannot wait. I filmed my first day at the barn which was last Saturday. You can find the video below.
Last night I went to start working on an adoption video for sweet Annie, I think we’ll have to do a little more work on the filming because it was crowded and the barn started to look like a giant fart cloud. Sarah also helped me lunge Annie some, which was amazing. I hadn’t done that in 15 years almost and there I was doing it. But my dumb ass was too self-conscious to film it even though my camera was right there.
But next time I will, and you’ll see how happy this country living does me. I might be a western imposter, god love it.