trolls across the pond

Ever since i was a child i was frightened of wandering into the woods alone.
There were all kinds of darknesses between the gnarled tree trunks, and the tricksters hiding under a blanket of moss that covered the forest bed. I always had the feeling that i was a little girl in a H.C Andersen fairytale. The gloom of his depresses and the depth of his fantastical visions ever present in the Danish countryside that i grew up in. Life had lessons for me even then, and the innocence was always laced in a dim light of frightening events.

All my life i’ve believed in the legends of norse mythology.
Trolls eating rocks and all the bad little children. Having a house nisse to keep your home safe and Thor hammering mjölnir into the sky when he’s angry.

After all these years im glad those childish beliefs and thoughts have never left me. Still now, as i wander through the thicket of a forest and climb the crumpled stones — i think of those mountain kings, the big nosed trolls and the bad witches. I wonder what they’re doing and if they are with me on turtle island — or if they keep to the nordic scapes alone.
I wonder if i ran into a troll if he would speak in tongues.

In truth i contemplate if i am a viking alone on a vast continent of settlers, and thats all there is to it. I have no kinship and no ancestors here, but i believe that thor still pisses through the clouds when hes drunk — and that odin still watches over me when times are tough.

I am so thankful for my heritage, my history and where i come from.
An old country kid from danish farm country, blood of the vikings and ravens as my guardian angels.
This blog post is nothing special — just random ramblings to clear my mind.

Happy Thursday!

the pirate and the desert

I grew up by the sea. When i was young i would sit by the shore and watch the sun dip when the eve began to peak. I’d always wanted to be a sailor, ok ok — a pirate. I wanted to be a pirate (and i am – land or sea a pirate is me!) What a wonderful way to live. On the ocean in a boat, with the sails full making you feel like you’re flying and dreaming at the same time. When i left college i found my life long best friend — who taught me to sail. I wont pussy foot and pretend i was great. I wasn’t i made mistakes, i’ve had boating jobs where there was one or two bad-eggs giving me jib for being slow or having to stop an think for a second — all i was doing was trying to learn. I kept at it. Because i wanted it so badly. I spent hours and hours hunched over charts, tearing my hair out but in the end i got my certificate because my friend was so patient with me. I think i spent 6 months just working on charts. Even to this day i practice my knots, i read and read and read, i write or research — i do what i can to keep the seafaring life a part of me.

When i moved to Texas my heart ached for my little piece of hidden beach in the sky far away in England some place. Thats the trouble with drifting. You find yourself leaving pieces of yourself behind. My sailing life was in England, but my wandering adventurers soul loved Texas, and still does.  When i was a little boy i wanted to be an American Indian riding out on the panhandle and watching the sunsets. I drift from dream to dream as i drift from country to country, or state to state.
Now that i’m temporarily in New England I sail as much as i can (surprisingly its not all that much because i live in the one place in New England that doesn’t have my kind of boating atmosphere). I’ve had a lot of boating jobs, but nothing lasts forever. You can’t really progress or live off a summer job. But i’ve tried it. Its hard not to be able to do everything you love everyday. So when those tough days come and i dream of the wind in my hair, the creaking planks and taught rope snaring… i look at my life and think about to all those places i’ve sailed to, all those drunken nights in random ports somewhere or i flick through my travel pictures to remember what i achieved ( or i dive into a good nautical book).

the pirate and the desert

I’m grateful for my teacher and even more so that he is my best friend even now. I’m thankful, whilst i may not be pursing the dream right now, that i had the chance to learn what i did, when i could and in a time when i needed it.
I’ve been lucky. 

the dark wood

I shot this while on a walk with my sister  in the woods. When i was planning my trip to the fatherland there were a few things i wanted to  experienced. One – Snow! Two – Christmas Hygge with my family and three – to visit the forest. Im happy to say now that i completed all three and more! As a child i always remembered the forest as being a beautiful magical place where dreams hide in the streams of sunlight and trolls chewing stones hiding out of sight. If it hadn’t been balls cold outside i would have seriously considered going to sleep on the bed of moss nature so kindly provided. The forest provided a peace i haven’t felt in a long time. All turmoil and stress disappeared — helping me realise what i want in life and that i’m doing good on my road to somewhere.
I’m not behind – i’ve always chosen a different road to everyone else because that makes life interesting, and whilst i’ll always feel a little old thats the price i have to pay for the wisdom. I’m kinda ok with that — thats a card i’ve been dealt in life since the beginning.
I moved to Texas (so far from everything i’ve ever known) as a 19 year old, and i’ve gone further since then. I’d be lying if i said i hadn’t been somewhat procrastinating with certain things like my photography and writing, but this year i’ve been slowly turning it around.
My camera goes everywhere with me, as does my moleskin note books and i have myself for company so theres always entertainment readily available.
In all seriousness though, moving around the USA with a man that totally makes waking up every day worth while has changed my life. All i know now is that i have to do what i’m good at and whilst not all of those things will make money — thats ok, they don’t have to.
It’ll make me happy and thats important.
That day being with my sister in the back end of nowhere Denmark, was my epiphany — my realisation that everything, though sometimes terribly hard, will be ok.
Goodbye to a year of utter grief, hardship, old bras and success.
And hello 2018.

I wish you all the best in 2018 — don’t make resolutions, make changes that make you happy. 
You won’t always have a tomorrow. 

the dark wood

fear not the forest troll

“It is in the forest that we find we can live amongst the trolls and that it is modern life that we should fear.”

I grew up respecting the forests — i knew they could be dangerous. Children go missing in the forest. Bears. Wolves. Scary things can appear as if from nowhere and it is in the silence where only your fear will breathe.
But now that i live in an apartment, not necessarily far from the countryside but far from the freedom that it provides — i realise that it is not the troll i fear anymore. Its the modern world, built up cities & technology.. a fear of never knowing whether to return to Scandinavia (even though i miss it everyday). Thankfully i don’t live online and i don’t consider my mobile an extra limb, nevertheless i’m still out of tune. I’ve never been a city kid — i was born in Southern Denmark out by the fields and the cold, in the summer no less but i’m a snow baby at heart. A wild child that wandered out from the warm moss of the forest and i hope soon to be back where im strongest; In the middle of nowhere where it’s quiet, and beautiful and the old world still lives.

Its a weird day today — i’m not sure where i want to be, where i need to go or what to do. I’ve lived so many places and that makes it difficult to decide where to go from here.

For now, i will go to Ikea and get my Scandi fix of familiar foods and other goodies.

Hej du.