the western imposter

Hello everyone!
It’s another Monday night, and another day closer to the weekend. Boy i started counting down Sunday night. You bet i did.
Tonight i was supposed to go to the horse rescue but it showed to be far too cold to do anything, so only the feeders went out there this evening. I really wanted to go out there to get to know everyone more and to get over my anxiety a little. The more often i go the quicker that feeling subsides and i can feel like i can get more deeply involved. When i get anxious i stand in my own way, for example i wont go ahead and do something i know how to do unless i’m told. I’ll let someone show me how to do something even if i already know how to do it. See what i’m saying? Then later that’ll piss me off that i didn’t just go ahead and do it in the first place.
Nevertheless I’ll be going back on Wednesday to film some riding and lunging for an adoption video, maybe take a few pictures too. I haven’t brought the big camera out there yet but i look forward to the results. Hopefully i’ll be doing some lunging with Isabella Bird (27 year old thoroughbred who is the sweetest). I’d love to adopt her myself but i have no place to keep her — same with Prada the Arabian Princess. They are such sweethearts.
But if we’re moving again, which we most likely will, it’s just not possible for me to get a horse right now.
Bummer Ted.
It sucks that UW ruined Wyoming, because Wyoming is one of the most beautiful states i’ve ever seen in my life. Christ. The stuff of a little 6 years olds dreams of cowboys and campfires and wild horses.

Isabella Bird, named after the British explorer i believe.

It’s been a good 15 years or more since i lunged a horse, so you can bet your arse im out of practice. I also haven’t worked at barn for a year and a half now. It’s incredibly frustrating to stand in your own way, and i battle and beat my head against it daily. So even though all this socialising stresses me and worries me, i really love the company so far. Easy people to get a long with and they really want the best for the equines they care for. Not to mention that they seem more than happy to let me “in.” I kinda already feel like part of the group though i’m not as educated in the nature of horses as they are. I’m an actor after all, not an equestrian. But what more could you want from new experiences?  I think i’m pretty bad ass for going against my own insecurities and telling them to go to hell. I might be a lone bear who likes the company of crickets, but this time i found folks i like.

Barn cat black with no boundaries.

I had my first real “shift” so to speak on Saturday, and it was a great day with good company. I felt a little unsteady at first but i think given some time i’ll soon get back into the swing. Because we keep moving, as soon as i get settled in a place, it all goes down the drain then i have to start over again. And thanks to UW i’m sure it’ll happen at least one more time. However, i will say when we go out on adventures or i go to this place — it makes it easier to deal with the mundane weekdays that drain life outta me, not completely —– but some. Also — i love this damn cat. Holy crap.

Happy Jack Road

Sometimes i feel like an imposter walking around in boots & cowboy hats, with a laconic state of mind, being so foreign and trying to hustle in with the real cowkids and western girls on horse back, but they really make me feel welcome at this new place, which is totally new to me. Exciting stuff.
Anyway i filmed a few clips and will be making a video of my first day there which i can’t wait to share with you. Yesterday we also took a trip to Cheyenne where i filmed all day for the fun of it. I think it’ll be “A day in Wyoming” type of video but we’ll see how that goes with time and all.

The Western Imposter

My dad might not be from Tennessee, my step father doesn’t sing the ballads in a dive bar and my mother isn’t some Southern woman who taught me to be the perfect pioneer wife. I’m just a lost little kid walking around this big world trying everything life has to give me. Missing all those i left behind in sad and bad and pretty home places. Finding my way through fields and mountains and plains and state to state to state. I get a little closer as it goes, but i know the feeling of being an imposter may haunt me a good long year or two yet. If you look at me now though, sitting on this here rock and thinking over all the places i’ve seen and the one guy that showed me what love was like?

I don’t have that much to complain about.
Happy Monday — see you again soon.

what happens on friday nights

It happened in the blink of an eye, immediately after i complained on my instagram about having no place to do horse-y things …I found a place.
I came across a non profit horse revival organisation that helps horses in need. And its in town. Crazy — cause i’ve been looking for  places like that since before i even stepped foot in Laramie. I went to a few and never heard anything back when i attempted to reach out after our original meetings. But this one i found out about yesterday morning, sent in my form a little after lunch and had set up a casual meeting at 5.30pm that afternoon.

I left work early, i figured it was owed to me as i arrived earlier than expected in the morning. Jack picked me up from work and we went home, i threw on whatever farm gear i had handy and left, lickity split.
The sun down is always beautiful on that edge of town and everything was beautiful hues of pink and soft purple. The mountains in the distance were already cuddled up to bed.
The people i met were lovely, wonderful and happy people. Folks that you like the moment you meet them. For me thats saying a lot. They treat horses with respect and don’t act like they’re some fluffy teddy bear to show around like a fairy on a string. This non profit is working its bones and doing whatever they can to help what ever horse they can. And i am honoured to be able to become even a little part of it.

Prada – the sweet arabian princess.

This afternoon i’ll be going back to get my hands dirty and trying to get into a swing. I’m a little nervous as i always am when it comes to new things, but im so excited too. I hope i can remember what i’ve learnt over the years, by law im not really a “horse person” like the others around here or anywhere. I didn’t grow up living in it. I grew up chasing it, but this is a great start in a good place. I’ll update you when i can about how it goes.

I hope you enjoy the little video i made of my first trip out there today.
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right now

Right now my website is down again unfortunately. Im not sure what to do about it but with any luck by the time i finish this post it’ll be running.
I’ve spent most of my day so far cooking breakfast and washing our clothes. We took a quick ride to walmart to get some medicine as Jack and i are already sick after being home for 5 days. Can you believe it? I caught something from work because someone doesn’t know how to keep their coughs to themselves — the first week back at work drug out like a son of a bitch, and i’m already dreading Monday. The week was tough. It almost made it feel like my time in Denmark never happened. But as my mum says .. it did happen. And i’m thankful for it.

Sometimes going home is bittersweet. It turns me through loops and confuses me; the whole ordeal of leaving and saying goodbye to my loved ones takes a good 10 years off me every time, and by that logic i should be dead last week. Now that my parents have a homestead there, it was different. It was like “living” in Denmark rather than just having a holiday, and i preferred it that way.  If i were a money deep author i’d live half/half in Denmark & Texas, but alas i’m not. I’m incredibly close to finishing my novel, and i mean very close. I write mostly at work and obviously i’m consistently interrupted so i lose concentration. When i get home in the evenings i’m so mentally exhausted that if i had to bare my soul on the page i’d simply slip away and give in. Theres only so much i can take at once. As you well know, i’m not built for captivity. In an office i’m a wasted resource and i often find myself misplaced, but one must pay for the privilege of living well; and i will never look down my nose at that. Actors and authors must pay their way with jobs no one wants — and as i happen to be both i’m twice as punished.

(insert rant here for good measure)
Unfortunately, much to my great regret, i had to cancel my class that was going to start on the 27th of January. I did everything within my power to make it work and jumped through every hoop thrown at me by the university. I got stressed out with the people i had to deal with as very little information was available and for the longest time they didn’t even know how to sign me up for said class. I was told to contact a hundred different people, each other passing me off to someone else who had no idea how to wash themselves let alone how to help me utilise my benefits.  I asked what was required of me through admissions in October — and they were still making up new rules as of this week. I was so tired of running around for them and knowing they still would fuck something else up, that i simply cashed it in. I went to get shots just to be able to be a student (I work at the university so this really made NO sense), i put in all my paperwork and everything. Then this week i received a bill for the first month of the class for $1000. And i about lost my fucking rag. Literally.
“Hell fucking no.”
And i contacted anyone i could about it. “Oh those are hidden fees for the class. You have to pay iff your class is more than 6 credit hours.”
The class i chose was merely 4. Almost the entire experience was retarded. I kept on with it because i desperately wanted to give myself the class as a gift, but at that the cost of the stress and whatever else? Fuck that shit. Not to mention the class is supposed to be free for employees. Needless to say — universities still aren’t for me. Jesus christ. Blasphemy and what not.
I hate that it seems like i complain a lot lately but i don’t see the point in painting life to be some flower with full petals, when it simply isn’t. Going to university was NEVER the right decision for me; i would feel very very trapped. I only took this class because it would be 5 months of my life and it was in a subject i felt passionately about and always wanted to try, but for some reason this university doesn’t function very well — i hate to say it but truly.
So i went ahead and tried to cancel my class, only to find out a new hold had been put on my account so i couldn’t access it. Apparently i hadn’t had my Immunisations yet. But i had them sorted out in November and i provided proof of my other ones from England & Denmark… i went into the student health office specifically (they originally messed up my payment and charged me $85 instead $5 dollars which i eventually got back) and they had zero record of me having ever been there. I mean.. At this point you couldn’t make this shit up. Not to mention i had this issue once already, which led me to go and get the shots done in the first place and they took the hold off in December.

But fear not — its not all gone to shit. Yet. I immediately signed up for the Farrier School that same day. I’m just waiting to hear back from them whether or not i get in; fingers crossed. I believe it will take a few weeks to hear back. That is the one thing i truly care about and is very important to me; if it goes well and i like it well enough, i plan to attend a full 8 week class in Texas when i save up the money. Though if i don’t get in — so be it. Then i suppose its not meant to be and i’ll stick to the acting, writing and whatever the hell else it is i do.
Today i started working out again and i feel so much better afterwards, that and writing is the best and most effective therapy to date.
My spirit is not broken and all is not lost. The future comes whether we ask her to or not. Thank goodness for that.
I hope you have a happy weekend.

Country house
The house in Denmark
People by a lake
My mum showing us around the grounds, and thats there is the dude sitting his coffee by the lake and abiding.
Wilting flowers
Danish mornings are the most promising
Prettiest Kitty
My cat Daisy contemplating whether to talk to me or not since i’ve been gone so long. My parents called her Izabella in the beginning because she wouldn’t share food and acted like a feline version of me. This never changed. While i was there it was constantly “Bel — nej Daisy!” “Daisy?” “øh, jeg hedder altså Izabella men ok.”
handsome cat
My sweet Charlie. I truly love my cats and though they live happily with my parents, a day doesn’t go by where i don’t miss them terribly. They are the most wonderful creatures. If i could have them and Basil with me for the rest of my life; why i’d be so lucky.

an arena of senior horses & possibilities

This week has been relatively great with only one full day of work, a snow day and then a half day today; now the rest of the week is all ours. Tomorrow is thanksgiving, something that doesn’t mean anything to me because i’m grateful every day for what i have, my experiences and so on and so forth. Still — the time off is most definitely welcome! Today was particularly great because i finally got to visit a horse arena that i’ve wanted to visit since before we arrived in Laramie. Any one who knows me knows i’d prefer to be around animals and its a bonus if its horses. So i was incredibly excited about meeting the people, the horses and seeing the area. I felt it went very well. The people were wonderful and incredibly friendly. Their horses were precious senior personalities, old animals are the sweetest. The arena/barn itself was perfect. It had everything you could possibly need.

ranch ponies in the snow

Unfortunately i can’t be there as much as i want due to working full time. I already wanted to be at this barn 24/7 because its a perfect scenario for me, but alas there is not enough time in the day. I desperately want to put myself through a two week course at the Wyoming School of Horse shoeing, which costs a pretty penny, so i have to do the job that pays. But we’ll see what happens. I’ll still be taking some riding lessons and doing some photography/social media work for them in the future, but i’d love to get more involved in that if life allows. Maybe if i get lucky things will fall into place. I sadly don’t see us staying in Wyoming too long, we love the state — i REALLY love Wyoming! Unfortunately there are issues since we’ve arrived that long term may cause us to leave…  but moving is hard and sometimes it doesn’t quite fit right away so we’ll give it time as we always do. I hope for now that i can do the things i want to do here before we decide to leave. We shall see.

big shirts and snow boots. I’m supposed to dress office casual… this is about as good as i get with that. Haha. I’m not made for pretty clothes. Im made to have shit in my hair, wear old jeans and boots all day long.

I didn’t take any photographs as the bossman was showing me around, because i like to experience things first and photograph later (besides i didn’t want to be rude). So next time i go i’ll be taking some senior horse portraits and i’m so unbelievably excited. All the horses wanted attention as i walked through the stalls and by the arena. There was even a big soft draft horse with a fluffy winter coat that i got to have a little chat with. Draft horses are the horses i’d like to specialise in when shoeing and i was told once i’d taken the course in Cheyenne that i’d be more than welcome to practice on their horses for experience. That would be amazing, they even mentioned connecting me with a female farrier who has an excellent reputation. This just sounds too good to be true !  It’d be a dream to be a farrier, i’d love it and i could live anywhere i wanted and make my own schedules, be my own boss. I feel that i may be one step closer… a small step. But a step is a step and i’ll take what i can get.

Anyway, good night friends and sleep well.

noget helt speciel

Det var ikke meningen at jeg vil skrive i aften men jeg ville dele den skønne aften med jer. Wyoming er en af de smukkeste stater i USA når solen falder fra skyerne. After Texas Ofcourse. Der er noget helt speciel ved den Vilde Vest. Det skal siges. Jeg bliver altid mindet om min morfar når jeg ser disse smukke Western scener. Morfar er grunden til at jeg blev forelsket i John Wayne og gamle westerns på TCM da jeg var bette.
Jeg håber jeg kan fange solnedgangen med mit store kamera en dag. Det kommer nok.

Og jeg fik i øverigt også mit kørekort med posten i dag!

himlen over Wyoming
god aften medicine bow
jubiiii!